SiLeNt sHoUt

Pangas & Dangas -Monthly Report I

2010-07-29T05:10:00.003+05:30

You know, all the pangas you face in this life, from a quarrel with the subjiwala over the rates of tinda to dropping your cellphone in a drain, can be classified in three distinct categories, ascending in order of their gravity.

The smallest and most chindi sort of pangas are those where your sneaky boss sneaks up from behind, while you are chatting with pinkbunny_89 on the office system. Not very dangerous, if you remain as calm as a dead rabbit and tell the boss that the client from SF likes to discuss project requirements under the guise of pinkbunny_89 due to 'security reasons'.

Then there is the little more jaanleva category of pangas, when, a month later than the aforementioned incident involving your boss and miss pinkbunny_89, your sneaky boss again sneaks up on you, and catches you chatting with pinkbunny_89 while the client from SF is on the phone with the boss. Still manaeagable, I would say, if you can put on a facial expression as wooden as John Abraham’s, and say to your boss, 'Pinkbunny_89 is NOT our client from SF? …Pinkbunny_89 is not? Well Sir….what can I say..…”

But then, there is the biggest sort of panga, big enough to wipe out the dinosaurs upto the last inch of their tails, the sort of panga which happens when one warm evening after the aforementioned incidents with pinkbunny_89, the sneaky boss sneaks into his daughter's room as she works on the computer, looks over her shoulder and makes the discovery that she has a rather girly chat id called pinkbunny_89, while you are merrily sending her rather disturbing emoticons from the other side. This panga gives a sense of enjoyment and achievemnt,the feel of accomplishment. I believe sleeping in exam while writing answer and spilling saliva on your answer sheet, all the pinkbunny_89 & shrewd boss seems like ***phew***

On this holy night, trying to put together a write-up is as arduous as trying to whitewash the campus building with a toothbrush. Seriously, what a generous these last days did to me is what Narco-analysis does to stock, naked truth is outcome! To add to it a few sleepless nights ensured that matters are now worse and writing of any new word(in answer sheet) , after exerting Newtons of weight on tiny eyelids, the waft of sleep intoxicates, slowly decapitating you of your senses and the result is a horrible answer and so on. Being in such a state, expecting something intelligible to escape from the keyboard to the laptop-screen is highly improbable, and the article looks more like a result of an extended session of FIFA-play, while your word document was open. Tackle-LongPass-Shoot-PublishBlog.

CAMPUS MUSINGS

Honestly speaking I am not clear about what this stands for (am a poor production guy), but it’s a chat tool on LAN (ye to pata hai :P ), at 4 in the morning, there are some non intellectual guys who instead of posting a meaningful blog chat with the guy who sits next to them in class, but are not able to talk, because of busy (sleeping) schedules. I could poke into one of the chat of two guys at IP. The excerpts are

X (Looks like 33, is 24 , his block is miles away from gals block)

X: "Kya re, you dont spend long hours talking on your cellphone these days. Hope all is well between you and airtel guys? "

Y: " Yeah I am just back frm a movie with the airtel CEO".

X : "Ok yaar seriously , we dont find you spending long hours roaming around the hostel , on phone with that shy smile pasted on your face .Is everything fine ? "

Y : "Yeah life is beautiful.I messed up things between me and her."

X (with the expression Ramsay brothers would love to capture) : Oh shit.Shit shit shit. How did this happen ? "

Y:"Angelina Jolie proposed to me and I left her."

X : "Its ok man. Just come to my room some time. A chilled beer and you would feel better."

Y : "I feel fine. And I don't drink."

X (Ramsay brothers’ expression recreated): "you dont still! You are a kid! And after what you have been through, you have to drink!”

Rains:

Oh,now I can see real dark clouds through the window .Baras Jaa pyaare Megha .( Non Hindi guys : Shed some water dear cloud ).

A couple of days earlier , as me and a friends were returning after mocking a quiz , god decided to pee .It started to rain. Since no umbrella company's distribution channel reached the spot where we were caught, we had to run towards the library and get in there. I have watched a lot of hindi movies over my years. Escape the rain on a stormy evening and take shelter in a big ancient looking construction, there is a 72% chance you shall be greeted by a shaky lamp wielding "Ramu Kaka" who has been dead for the last twenty or so years. But not being in a movie, it’s a mournful documentary(I think there are no happy documentaries), I was greeted by a grumpy watchman who looked at me like I was trying to smuggle three surface to air missiles and a couple of rifles into the library.(picked from an older post of mine)

Shame of Hunger:

The gourmet at mess provides enough opportunity to local and global players in food and beverage catering business (restaurant ka aisa naam suna hai kabhi) to burn a hole into students’ pocket as per their capabilities. While a few lucky ones have been eating a cheese burst pizza with oodles of toppings every day, few deprived are supposed to burp after chewing on fingernails.

GRINDS-uck

BOOZE PARTIES:

I dont wanna actually get drunk and grab my professor by his collar and shake him and yell "Why did you give me a C- , sir!!!."I dont wanna get drunk and grab the guy downstairs and shake him and yell "Why do you charge money from me when I take something from you , buddy ?? "

I may have missed something. There may be something great hidden within that bottle. A lotta people drink , and they feel good about it. My dad does not drink , most guys at institute(which is in dry state) drink , my uncle who spent 11 days in hospital with a liver problem due to drinking drinks, a lot of girls drink and Devdaas(and missed Aishwarya) drank. So something has to be there. And if there is, I can always lie to my mom.I can actually drink without letting her know. Then I may not spend the next hostel party walking around campus and writing some nonsense, while drunken guys go around ripping shirts, falling off tables and kissing each other. Any purpose drinking? Hic.Hic.

Need to wash off clothes now and clean my room and may be I am win the treasure hunt to win my lost spectacle!
--

EOP

The Anand Pattern

2010-06-23T18:36:00.004+05:30

This would be the longest stretch when I stayed away blog, since I started blogging, but it's like that, and that's the way it is. First I was stranded, disconnected at a village for the induction program, for a while, which now seems like pretty comfortable setting.. sigh. Then, once I touched base at IRMA, things got hectic, and I didn't have a internet connectivity for a while. Now that things have more or less settled, it's about time I resume blogging. It was always my dream to blog from my hostel room of something called as a leading Rural management institute in western India, a rural(not poor) cousin of leading B school in western India.

First things first, IRMA and the neighbourhood, looks totally amazing from air, waiting for some rains to make the green look greener. From my train, I could not gawk at the so called b'ful and developed villages of Gujarat(now everything in my life revolves around village), ! Then we hit the ground (pun intended). Let's just say, for someone new to the city, it's not very tough to not like the city, its an ideal kind of city, one copy(store) of Big bazaar, fame cinemas, dominos, ccd, levi's store, reebok and few other brands, and of course a lot of Amul parlours, surely doodh ki nadiya behti jaaye. The area neighbouring IRMA, is very similar to campus, an agricultural university, NDDB campus, not so unimpressive to say the least. However, the campus is breathtaking with its lush greenery and mesmerising chimes .

My hostel room, I found is more comfortable than the room I had in engineering days. It's not bigger, but surely better planned and it has a balcony which opens to the patch of green behind my hostel. I haven't clicked snaps of the campus, but I intend to do that pretty soon. The city Anand, essentially the multiplex is not light years away from the campus but it requires a big hole in pocket to make it to there. Till now I've been there only once, and even then it was disappointing as we couldn't catch any chic! The movie buff in me is still very pleased to be here; the LAN is virtually full of movies! My new 250 GB external HDD might getting full to the brim, is looking like a possibility.

The academic load looks (un)manageable. I have eight courses, all of them (un)interesting. Exception being the Organisational Behaviour (IGB) course, which has interesting mix of Psychological studies in it, pretty impressive! Then there is rural Economic and polity and few others, which is also pretty tough to study. Midterms are still (just?) 3 weeks away and things are chill (as I say here).

I guess, I'll start with such banal posts; it should take time to get back the flow for blogging :-)

Bill gates bachaao!!

2010-04-22T00:44:00.003+05:30

What is common between Shashi Tharoor-Saurav Ganguly-RamGopal Varma-KKR cheerleaders-SW engineers/I Bankers who lost their job and 245000 CAT applicants and me?

We all are at home and somebody may be busy tweeting, eating Rossugullas, or making Phoonk 3, 4, 5….n yes they will be released on same day, telling people what are hedge funds and how risky they are, or pagalguying, I decided to give my fingers a chance to perform Dance India dance on keyboard.

P.S. Match the coloumn khel –lo

A lot of people are telling me to “Enjoy!! for these days will never come again"

These never coming back days once came after class 10, 12, final year engineering . But that reminds me of some days which actually never come back, childhood J

Nevermind, chalo ateet ki yaadon me.

Sann Unneeess sau tiryaasee (1983) ki baat hai july ki zaalim garmi ka maheena. A baby boy was ushered into this world at about 10 'o clock in the night probably crying loud enough to piss off gabbar who resided some 50 miles away. After all it’s the momma's job to tell me that unless I kept quiet gabbar aa jaayega. Well months rolled by and I grew into a pretty normal kid who thought his thumb was god's candy and the soil in the backyard was Ben & jerry's raw material, so I hogged on it. Once I interacted with a sophisticated Huggies-model type kid when my mom took me to his place:

Oh.. ok..arey yaar mere ko chunnu bata raha tha ki huggies ke ad ke liye tere ko ek room me nanga daudaya tha??.." i chuckled

"..*cold sigh* ..yaar when u turn a professional you have to live with it....thoda expose to karna hi padta hai industry me bane rehne ke liye. u know"

"oye tinku ab mera poo-poo time ho gaya....door hat jaa"

"Gawd tu abhi bhi kapda use karta hai nappy ke liye....disgusting!!"

"uwaaaaaan uu uu uwaaaaaaaaaaaaan" I raised the alarm for my momma to clean up the mess

One day while crawling in my walker, I hit the wall and fell, it was followed by what else but crying non-stop. When the in-house recipes failed to alleviate my pain, the ped was called. But in vain as even after a week of medication the pain and the associated worries won't go. The family pediatrician referred the case to a neurosurgeon.

"Kahee koi serious baat to nahee hai naa" my mum asked the family ped.

"Ghabraaiye nahee..aap mil lijiye ek baar doctor ramesh chandra se.." the stiff lipped family doc had nothing more .

"Dekhiye maine dawaaiya likh di hain bas bacche ko sir me chot mat lagne dijyega, aur haan jab ye 6 saal ka ho jaaye tab isko school me daaliyega, jyada pressure mat daaliyega iske dimaag pe.." and he closed the case with these final words.

“Was their first born child mentally unfit?? Will he be able to cope with his studies??” Questions whose answers were written on the wings of time, and the rest followed. A meagre class 10, a forgetable 12 and pathetic graduation to make the matters worse….dimaag mein chot aayi thi, abhi bhi lakshan paaye jaate hain. This post is an example.

Kuchh Saal Baad, sann unnis sau baanwe

Remembering those Sundays with DD1 when I was a cute(koi shaque) little kid, makes me 250gm nostalgic. The very slow news for the hearing impared, Atal bihari vajpayee was a news reader there I suppose

We kids used to assemble in front of the recently purchased colour TV at sharp 8 o clock in the morning. Just after a quick bath, Eyes were fixed on the TV set.
After noting down tips on how to nourish your gerberas and various other phool-patti on the show 'Ankur' and then braving 'Gurubaani' we came to know every Sunday ki "Jungle jungle kyaa baat chali hai, chaddi pehen ke phool khila hai". The magical world of mowgli, bageera, bhaalu and akdu-pakdu. :p

Excerpts:-

Bageera : Tumhe pata hai mowgli !! sarpanch ne kaha hai iss baar shikaar jyada nahee milne se sherkhaan se khatra badh gaya hai.
Bhaalu : Haa mujhe bhi cheel ne bataya sherkhaan aajkal nadee ke aas-paas ghoom raha hai!!
Mowgli: (who's staring at the lake) Uhhh...hmmm..
"Mowgleeeeeeeeee!! bandaro ne pakdu par humla kar diyaaaaaa" pappu is frantic.

*POWER CUT*

"kuttttte" I screamed. There was a look of horror on the faces of my cousins. Sure the word "kutta" and its derivatives were forbidden in our house. The 'F' word was yet to replace the K word for expressing deep disgust or unparallel pleasure. And then my dear mommy came armed with her spatula to sizzle my baby bum.

"Who said that ????" Mum was furious

All the cousins pointed their fingers like zombies , at poor moi. It seems they hadn't heard of "anguli-maal" daaku(a mythical dacoit who used to cut away fingers of his prey), they were nourishing one right in their house.

***Back from Ateet ki yaadein***

In this season of IPL(Indo-Pak Love), I could get hold of secret chat between two cheerleaders of Mumbai Indians, who joined MI this year after their two year stint at Delhi Daredevils.

CL1: Haye ree behen humaari to kismat hee kharaab hai, iss saal naukri badli aur issi saal yahaan itna kaam hai….meri to jaan nikal gayee hai behen.

CL2 : Sach behen, ye Naaspeeta Pollard itna nachata hai ki kamar toot gayi. Aaj ghar jaake meri kamar pe thodi see iodex laga deo, choor choor ho rakhi hai.

CL1: Isse acche to hum bar mein hee thi, naachna bhi kam, aur kamaai bhi zyada thi…yahaanto chhichhori public nacha nacha ke maar deti hai, aur ek futtee kaudi nahi deti.

CL2: Sach behen. Accha Chameli se poochh to agar KKR mein koi jagah hai!

Zee cinema is about to show a movie, some random early nineties' movie. Gladly Mithun is feature in the casting. That is a good enough reason for me to watch the movie. So me now pulling up with the movie. Details about the movie will not be posted in the next post

The ladies toilets in delhi are safe

2009-05-02T16:35:00.002+05:30

Blogging is like making an STD call of early 90’s. Both the things are easier to do at night. While lower calling rates bag it for the STD calls , a more silent and peaceful room & comfortable of laptop makes blogging better at night.

But this post will see the “light of the day”

With all due respect, to KKR fans, exploited software engineers (these guys have to be here, with or without any reason) and other troubled souls of the nation, I am living a life that can be termed as an exaggeration (or exasperation) of contented life. Infact, I have always enjoyed my circumstances. But things are easiest these days . The workload is equivalent to frequency of commercial breaks in a repeat telecast of a shehnai show on doordarshan, or lesser only. In a nutshell, am as busy as Regional manager of Antarctica branch of carrier Aircon (Bacha log, notice the surrogate advertising)

And, after a lot of struggle & seena jhapti, I am able to get the screening of DDLJ at near multiplex. Yeh strike bhi abhi honi thi.

Watching Old Hindi movies is a bliss in itself, Thanks to Zee classic & Zee premier, I have got a strong hold on “Royal-Republican” Hindi movies & now I feel myself compatible to create a new field of interest on Mastermind India & win it too. I strongly feel that if there are two things good for my heart, they are saffola cooking oil and Hindi movies. These movies do not trouble my heart with unsuspected twists and unexpected endings. They are so obvious. Take my favorite case, most probably will be yours too, the rape scenes are invariably interrupted by the hero who comes crashing in through some expensive glass door, or Honest school teachers are usually killed by the bad guy while the teacher's kid hides behind a flower pot and takes a colored mental photograph of the killer for future revenge. (Definitely not my favorite, but its better to highlight more than one example)…phew…my posts are so self-explanatory.

Thanks to “prastut hai Hindi fatichar film”, every Saturday on doordarshan, I have grown up seeing Sunny deol planting his "dhaai kilo kaa haath" & Akshay –UNBUTTONED-Kumar..then the khilaadi boy...cooing pervert numbers with thigh baring girls and sending the toned and muscular gundaas flying with his karate kicks...I remember once I kicked the door after I was back from school...Mum heard the loud bang...Two slaps later I was as calm as Gurudutt silently scribbling my homework...

Mithun the messiah..he has to be here!

Although he deserves a separate post, but now I plan to write a book on him, and due to royalty issues with the publisher, am just giving this messiah a modest tribute. This one goes for you….

Last week, it was a lucky Sunday: After gulping down huge quantity of lunch, as I turned on to the Z-Premier, guess who it was, It was Gunda. I can just say one line about this movie

““There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who have seen “Gunda”. And those who shall see it.”

No prizes for guessing my category!

Overview of movie: The mid 90s were marked by great intellectual ferment and socio-political change in India. With unbridled economic liberalisation strengthening the unholy faction of politicians and moneyed ruffian, the nation witnessed fundamental transformations —a fact that was being systematically overlooked by popular escapist entertainment which minted money through vacuous NRI romances, forgetting its solemn duty to be the mirror of its times. …samjhe!!!

The movie is an unforgettable struggle of Shanker, a coolie in an airport is a hard-working Indian man forced to balance time between an overweight girl friend, an even fatter sister, an overacting father, alcoholic friends and a pet monkey who can drive a car. It is Shankar and his family that is crushed underneath the “system” of the 90s. The system that was corrupted by Bulla, the main evil & his gang comprising of Pote (Pote—jo aapne baap ki bhi naheen hote), Chutiya, (Bulla’s hermaphrodite brother who is kept alive through a steady supply of “London se sex ki goliyan” in the hope that he becomes a “mard” or man), Ibu Hatela (Meranaam Ibu Hatela, Ma meri chudail ki beti, baap mera shaitan ka chela, khayega kela?”), Inspector Kale (iske yaad nahi :P) & last but not the least kafan chor neta” (Dilli se billi ka dudh peeke aaya hain)

Am sure, you guys are now cannot afford to be in first or second category of people. Watch Gunda. Again and again. There has never been a movie like this before. Trust me. There never will be one like this again.

Well Am running out of time, office hours are soon going to be over & for those who think, I can have a lot of K ka keedas in my blog, wish you an even worse reading.

The blog title still needs an explanation….phew…my blogs are so self explanatory

A short in the Arm

2009-02-23T01:01:00.003+05:30

Disclaimer : This one is going to be a poorly edited post, with lots of issues mixed & shaken irresponsibely. You are hence requested/expected to understand the feelings only!

It's been almost three years since I completed my engineering studies, *phew* three years have passed!!!

Anyway , in these three years , atleast six of my batchmates have announced their wedding dates , and many more must be right in the middle of the 'Tere papa se kab baat karun ?' discussions . Now , I have always been terribly confused by the concept of marriage . Sometimes marriage looks like being wonderful union which ushers in a beautiful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life . And before a hungry somalian dacoit can clean a small boat , marriage will appear to be this expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and their SST test syllabus . So just like dye structures and ram gopal verma's movies , marriage has always confused me .

The confusion was taken to new levels, when i attended a marriage which i can call to be of closest relative I can attend, or in other (truthful) word swho called me on his marriage.....

Personally, I enjoy marriages a lot, there is a lot of food, new clothes n its always away from work place, but still life is not just a box of sweets, it comes with tiffin full of lotus stem vegetable. The worst part being, the granny & her gang of villian kind os aunties, who would pop out of her sofa n yell

“Dekhti hu iss baar kaise bachte ho ”.*echo echo echo *.her tone becomes vicious when she announces the name….

*drums beating interspersed with some shamshaan ghaat music *(don’t ask me what it is)

its so scary that even K waali vamp would prefer hiding away like rabri Devi would, when asked about the update of Spanish premier league or Pamela Anderson, the last scam which CM of Jharkand was involved in!

Taking a break & before moving to next part, a close look at ideal dulha:

I told you, its poorly edited

The US return hero who hasn’t forgotten his bhagwaan inspite of numerous night outs in posh pubs, guzzling beer from the barrel and holding life-time memberships of famous strip clubs…he is still an ‘apna desi Indian ladkaa’… A perfect dulha material…

News Update:

In between, the great valentine's day pissed...oops passed off, without a whisper in my ear, but more than any whisper, i was more excited about Muthale buddy's pink chuddy. i infact frighetened a few honhaar baccha friends of mine that I have joined SRS(Sri Ram SenE) & dare you try n have a good time with your loved ones, & I will do what MCD did with commercial properties in residential areas, but they would rather believe in George Clooney is made to sit through a screening of "Basanti Ka Inteqaam" ( Starring Chamkeeli Haseena in a never seen before , and never seen after dynamite role ) .....*sigh* a well tried effort in vain n V-Day pissed off.....again!!

The D day on V day:

The day which witnessed around 36,000 knots being tied alone in Delhi, I was in Punjab attending one such wedding. I was a member of a extremely chaotic and jubilant baraat inching towards the venue (some rated hotel). The baraat swarmed....

(No more baraat description, this blog is about mann kee feelings!!!)

The War-mala event actaully reminds me of a RajnikantH dialogue "Kasam paidaa karne waale ki Raja aajtak sirf do logo ke aage jhuktaa aaya hai ek to uparwaala jo kismat banaata hai aur ek naai jo hazaamat banaata hai..huhh!!" Sorry dude, you are wrong, I have seen a young smart guys JHUKTE over for something else....

A lot more to come in coming posts, but one question still boggles down my mind.....

Is marriage an ushering in a wonderful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life ...or is it an expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and their SST test syllabus ?

InshahAllah, the marriage was overjoyed, except for these thoughts & I expect a few more people to treat me the same way in their respective marriages.

Also, the subject has nothing to do with Post....India TV inspired me to do this.

Whats going on!

2008-10-27T23:26:00.002+05:30

Before UNESCO declares this blog a "A World heritage site" and Japanese tourists wearing red caps and yellow shorts go crazy with their Fujifilm cameras clicking the Sameer-Priya, july 29(reliance mobile ki ad yaad karo) epic's manuscript, I puke one more post here.

So here I am ranting like any other "work-life" balance ke maare bhaailog. Being so wella that you strive hard to type anything, forces me to come up with this post. I hope some typing here balances my non-typing schedule at office.

Good lord, shooting a million juicy forwards (the "be very careful before opening" types, which you inspect when everybody thinks everybody around has gone for lunch, and they all watch it :P) to my kameene dost from my gmail inbox, Checking all those zindadil (who do not lock their albums) people's orkut photo albums every five minutes (bole to ekdum fasst. orkut updates se bhi pehle) , the kind of dudes and dudiyaas whose response to any problem or even a minor glitch in their smooth course of life is "Iski M@@ ki". I have started forwarding mails with subject "This Blue Pill can help you have a long fiesta with your chicks”, with the tag of hey this is for you.

The cricinfo page sits minimized in hidden taskbars on the office ka desktop. Even a faint badboo of the boss instigates to uninstall gtalk and messenger at the same time. And ask "Solitaire kya hota hai" reply comes : "JK tyre ki mehnat". Bade bhole bhaale log hai hum!! ;)

Over all life is good, as good as that of ball boy in a Maria Sharapova-Anna Kournikova match with Salma Hayek as Chair umpire.

News & Me:
India wins three medals at Olympics:
This is once in lifetime news & the feeling is as proud as one of those lucky fellows who get to see Haley’s comet.

Home Minister visits Serial blasts’ site in Delhi, Ahmedabad Bangalore:
What will he do there? Or he is thinking that hat the terrorists would be still hiding behind bushes over there and the minister would just point out and shout - "Wo dekha , wo raha Mohhamad Al Sami !! Wo dekho amrood ki Jhaadi ke peeche baitha hai bandook pakde !! Pakad lo kambaqth ko !! & in between please make sure that my next shirt is ready for the press interview”

Nokia Launches Handset with Navigator (GPS hee navigator hota hai? I need to know what GPS is…koi batayega)
Am sure one day they ll launch a handset with juicer-mixer-grinder, bas yehi bacha hai phone mein lagne ko

Ab prastut hai aap logon ke saamne, Veeru aur raamu kaka ki kuchh baatein ankahi :-)
Veeru : Today we have with us the iconic ramu kaka who has served thakur saahab for 25 long years. Ramu kaka has been with thakur saab since the days when he was a 'hand'some young man to his hands-free days. To Ramu kaka bataaiye. aapka kya experience raha ??

Ramu kaka : Ab kya bataau beta!! Bas baaki ke din kaat raha hu..thakur saab ki sewa me zindagi guzaar di..bechaare thakur saab apni vidhwa Bahu (jaya bachhan) ke to haanth peele nahee kar paaye.lekin budhaape me mere haath jarur peele kar diye...

Veeru : kya matlab??

Kaka : Arey kutto ke dracula!! itna bhi nahee samjhein...thakur saab pyjaame kaa naada to khol nahee paate hain, pichhwaada dhona to door ki baat hain..

Veeru : Ohh!! to iska matlab roz subeh aap hi.....Ohh!!

kaka : haa beta haa!! meri haanth ki rekhaaye wahaa chap gayee hai jahaa nahee chhapni chaahiye..!! aur saale ramgadh ke bacche bhi itne naalayak hain ki, mujhe 'dhoni, dhoni' kehke chidhaate hai...Budhaape me apne pichhle janam ka paap dho raha hu main..*sobs*

Veeru : Never mind kakaji!! ye bataaiye thakur saab ke kya haal hai..

Kaka : Mat poocho beta !! thakur saab ke chehre se maano khushi gaayab ho gayee hain...unki badnaseebi ke kisse sun nahee paaoge...

Veeru : kakkajeeehhh!!....sunaa do pleeeezhh!!

kaka : " kya bataau beta ..ye mazaak unke saath 3 saal se hota aa raha hai..jab thakur saab apne jooton se gabbar ka sir kuchal rahein the tab peeche se police inspector ne hawaai fire kiya aur wo chillaaya "Hands up!!" ... kaahe ke hands kaahe ka up.. Thakur saab ki aankhon me aansu aa gaye...Aur jab court me gawaahi dene ki baari aayee tab bhi katghare me saala ek vakeel geeta utha ke le aaya aur bola "thakur saab geeta par haath rakh ke kasam khaiye aap jo kuch kahenge sach kahenge....." ..aise mazaak beta kaun jhel sakta hain.."

"Yahee nahee raamgadh ke shararati launde aaye din chauraahe par unse pooch pooch ke bhaagte hai "thakur saab ghadi me time kya huaa hai" . Lekin uss din to had hi ho gayee jab thakur ke b'day par sab chokro ne mil kar unko dumbbell gift kar diya...

Saale ab thakur ji ko ramgadh ki cricket team ka wicketkeeper banane ka plan bana rahe hain.. Uff..mujhse to aur dekha nahee jaata..*sob* "

Veeru : himmat rakhiye ramu kaka!! main bhi bobby deol ka baap huu..aur esha deol bhi meri hi beti hai..samajh sakte ho naa aaap..!!

Kaka: Samajhta hu veeru!! jis din mujhe lagega ki ab bas bahut ho gaya aur ab mujhe eeshwar ke paas chale jaana chahiye uss din tumhaari beti ki 2-3 filmey lagaataar dekh lungaa...* sigh*..

Veeru : Sahee hai kaka!! waise agar phir bhi thodi bahut jaan bachee reh jaaye to mujhe boliyega mai bobby ki 1-2 latest movies ka intezaam kar dunga..

Kaka : Jarur beta!! basanti se kehna ki dhanno usey aaj bhi yaad karti hai..ab main chalta hu..thakur saab ke pressure aane ka time ho gaya...

Its diwali time and i can see a tension on my mum's face on what to give to kaamwali.....help required

EOP. Time to comment

Festivals of National importance-Part 1

2008-08-15T23:30:00.004+05:30

Heppy Fraandsheep day to aal of you barring a few (arey kyuki Valentine's day ka bhi tyohaar aane waala hai). Friendship day is the foundation for the house to be built whose housewarming is scheduled six months later on the valentine's day and subsequent "hum 2 se 3 ho gaye moment" 9 months later on the children's day.

Must say that we have really managed the national festivals of lovwwvwvwee & friendship with great care, such that within six months of friendship day, we have valentine’s day & exactly months after we have Children’s day. And as they say in the west "Happy friendship day, your place or mine?". Hum to phir bhi bahut peeche hai.

Take this…………….

"hello..hello unty ji Jyoti ghar par hai !!"

"kaun??"

"Jee mai uska classmate Sonu bol raha hu..aunty mujhe Jyoti ko 'haippee fraandship day' wish karna tha"

"Accha achaa tum wahee Sonu ho jisne last year bhi friendship day ke din phone kiya tha?"

"haan aunty mai wahee (Abhaga) Sonu hoon"

"Beta lagta hai iss ek saal me tum kuch khaas progress nahee kar paaye, abhi tak sirf friendship ke liye hi fight maar rahe ho"

"Haan aunty *sighs* beech me Valentine's day bhi nikal gaya, lekin afsos"

"Dhyaan se beta, Raakhi bhi paas hi hai..kahee kuch apshagun naa ho jaaye"

"jarur jarur"

This is not me disguised as Sonu….mind ittt!!!!

Ab aagey….

The irony is, your best of friends will never call you or message you on this day except for those assholes who vanished from your social radar completely after college. And then on one fine friendship day they suddenly blip on your cell phone's inbox. if suppose you call them up (condition holds only if the long lost friend is remotely feminine) and ask their whereabouts they take a deep breath and say "Ab kya bataau yaar.....maar rakhi hai".

Anyways, the concept of this very day, which the movie "kuch kuch hota hai" gave birth in to the minds of the youth (opportunist cum frustrated bavaayez), gives every frustoo like me a chance to break the ice-berg between any closest good looking object of the opposite sex.

EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE

The news channels are no less. I’ve got this confidential news that Aaj tak has signed an MoU with Aspirin. (I am waiting for any channel which signs it with Viagra haah!!).Just have a look at an instance of the prime time news bulletin on Aaj tak on this (inter)national festival of fraandship

Sanjay: "Aaiye hum aap ko le chalte hai vishvidyalay jahan humaare samvaad daata deepak chaurasia maujood hai"

" haa deepak kyaa aap hamey sun sakte hai"

(Deepak is on screen and he is as blank as laloo's 10th board answer sheet)

"Deepak aapko humaaree awaaz aa rahee hai...deepak"

Deepak : "...haa sanjay boliye"

(People behind Deepak desperate to come on TV are waving as if stranded on an island for ten years and trying to signal a far off ship in sight)

"Deepak iss wakt wahaa fraandseep day ki kaaafi gehma gehmi hogi.kyaa mahaul hai iss wakt wahaa par??"

“Sanjay jaisaa ki hum sab ko pataa hai.aaj fraandseep day hai, to aaj yahaan diwali jaisa mahul hai…ladke naye naye kapde pehen kar motorcyclon pe chakker kaat rahe hain

TURRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!!!! a scooter passes by and deepak is interrupted…

With renewed energy he speaks up

”Apko bataa du ki iss baar chaman chaiwale ne isspecial chocolates evam mithayion ka prabandh kiya hai aur sajaawat ke liye 5 kilo phool bhi mangaaye gaye hai aur gaur karne waali baat ye hai ki phool bilkul Phreshh hai…special pandaal lagaaye gayein hai…..pandaal banaane me kaamdhenu sariyaa(iron rods) istemaal kiya gaya hai”

Then suddenly the camera shifts to Sanjay in the studio when he comes to know of the fact that he is on-air and he has nothing to speak and Deepak on the other side is…….. Sanjay is speechless and his face is like as if he has pissed in his pants.

Deepak : “…..aapko bata dein ki twinke beauty parlour pe aaj facial ke liye line lagi hui hai, ek ladki jo abhi wahaan se facial kara ke aayi hai…...chaliye unse hi poochhte hai ki wo kaisaa mehsoos kar rahee hai”

Deepak: “devi ji .bataaiye aap facial karaakar kaisaa mehsus kar rahee hai??”

Deepak trying to shove the microphone up her nostrils.

” bataaiye … bataaiye…… bataaiye….” deepak struggling.

And immediately the telecast is switched to the studio cameras and Sanjay sitting there says in a hurried tone.

“Chaliye ab chalte hai Raakhi saawant ke paas jo ye maang kar rahee hai ki item numbers ka bhi oscar nomination honaa chahiye..”

"Ab kya bataau yaar.....maar rakhi hai"

Inevitable perennial Laziness

2008-05-29T00:10:00.005+05:30

“Which team do you support Mr. Chawla” asked Dr. Kulkarni. This was just the beginning & so much water/sewage has already flown under the bridge!!! Yessss…sahi samjhe bachcha log …the protagonist of this blog is Ranjan-Mano ka baap….DLF-IPL. Need to mention DLF….250 crore rupaye ka sawaal hai bhai

Khabaron ki taraf aage badhte huey,
Bhajji(of TERI MONKEY fame) aur unke chhote brother SreeSHANT ke beech ki ladai ko uncle Farooq ne sulta diya hai. Ye dekho
Before:

After:

So far I have not been to watch any match of IPL but still I dream to watch Mohali team winning as you get nice tight hug from Preiy Zinta for every victory…even pitch curator get one. Ness Wadia now prays for the team’s defeat. Infact Ness Wadia, the co-owner of the Punjab Kings XI was reportedly happy when his team was mauled by the Mumbai Indians as none of the players got a chance to get cozy with his fiancée

Moving ahead with the fillumy connection of DLF-IPL ,the OSO star SRK is now chanting HOME SHANTY HOME with Gauri/Karan/Arjun/Fardeen etc etc & all of them have now decided to concentrate back on movies, while the very hot Deepkia Padukone is very happy as both Chennai (Dhoni) & Mohali(Yuvraj) are through semis. Shaaantiiiiiii
YE HAI BOLLISTAAN MERI JAAN

With DLF IPL, another thing that is kicking off is DUS KA DUM …the serial stripper (only shirts…mind it) Sallu bhai, with grown hair says “paaan--ch jooooooonnn se …..Dekte raiyye Sonee Ennertaynmen Chaaynayl...” An accent that gives All-American-fluent-speakers’ association president a complex & he begins to think if his accent is too Indianised.

Mean while, coming back to Manoranjan ke Baap, the big-wigs of Indian cricket (Sachin/Saurav/rahul) have decided to use the newly developed TRUST ME ( jee haan ye khabar hai…Zurich ki ek chemical co ne aisa spray banaya hai …watch India TV for more details) spray so as the bidders can put the remaining faith in them during the next bidding process.

The most interesting thing is that the pre/post match analysis is hosted by the the guys who are usually found saying ki “mere toothpaste mein namak hai”. Hats off to their efforts, no body on this earth try so desperate not-to-look-dumb. Good work boys.

Cheer leaders: bas bolomat unke bare(baare) mein…dekh lo

So this was the week's wrap up from your very own underpaid reporter.
Bilkul latesht mein "Oye paappe! aaj to Marsh Rajasthan ki M** ***** raha hai.
And me & Ness have again cried because of Mohali's victory

Aur kuchh aisa likhhon, ya aap likhoge....comments

EOP

Jab We NEVER Met

2007-12-08T22:32:00.000+05:30

After watching JWM, my brother called me n said, “O Yaar tu itna train mein ghoomta hai, tere ko kabhi koi Geet nahi mili”. For all such moments Silence is Gold. And for all you not-so-frequent-train-users, this movie should come with a disclaimer that sweet gals(who don’t even mind wo brothel wali baat) like Geet do not travel in train & if they, they surely wont care much about you. I know this is disheartening, but being a responsible citizen, I think I should give all you a brief description of how train companions are.

The first disappointment comes when there is no F-16 to F-23 in the reservation chart, and two in next compartment.

1) H2S2-Hum Saath Saath Hain:
The great Indian families –
It can be a Joint or a nuclear family, but one thing is sure that it will rob you off the peace of mind which u were having after reading(watching) that last colourful page of Delhi times . Imagine yourself sitting on the window seat cool-ly flipping through pages of a random "feel-good" stuff with your tired legs stretched on the berth, a gentle breeze running through your hair, with all your li'l luggage already chained you think about your hometown, friends and family back home. Aah absolute bliss. Aur insaan ko chahiye hee kya…. Then suddenly:-

"O bhaai saab!! aapka seat number kaun saa hai??" A middle aged person farts on your face. Following him is his family with two wailing piddi piddi kids filled with their anger on mathswali Madam and their clumsy mommy bearing a Rakhi(Gulzar, not Sawant) looks on her face. You try your best to sound polite "Ye 17 number seat meri hai, khidki waali ""Paaaapppppaa mekko window waali seat chahiyyyyye!! uwaaaaa....!! mekko chahiiiyeee..." piddhi bursts out..And you look at the li'l moron(piddhi) and then u think of those matrimonial website. Then the mommyji looks like…"Thakur mere Karan-Arjun ko seat dedo” You wish some sanity had prevailed. Bah!These families, I must say have Post Doctoral degree in Luggage Management. "Arrey piddhi ki Mummy, wo khaane wala thaila uppar hee rakh do…hmm aur baaki sab yahaan neeche rakh do”. And they try to squeeze it all thru the space below the lower berth. Your pyaara sa sky bag looks like Sania Mirza sharing a stool to sit with Serena williams”

After an hour of farmaishi gaano ke karyakram of Himesss bhai’s song on papa ke mobile, the khaana peena time comes.
This is the time when you think that you should now walk out this place and purify your lungs with some lights. The magical moments are over as soon as you find that the Kanpur wali maussi ji a dia hua achaar has beautified your pyaara sa Sky bag.

Ab ye TT bahiya is, I the person with best composure, in a very sweet sound voice, he ll blare” "haanji , Ticket…ticket dhikhao vaaii(or bhaiii)" Now at this point of time Piddhi ki has no clue whre thr ticket is! “Arrey dekhna kahin aapke batue(wallet) mein to nahi hai”. Mian ji is impatient "Pachaas baar kaha hai nikalne se pehle ticket samhaal ke rakha karo, Mr. bajaj(kausti zindagi wale) laake dega kya tkt!! " TT baabu is used to this, so he shows no signs of disgust and goes about asking other victims in the compartment for the tickets, including you.
She will fish out all the safety pins, speed post ki reciepts, ration ka bill, but one thing which won’t come out is the ticket. After some 10 minutes of mining into the purse, a real crumbled piece of paper comes out, in a condition as deplorable as Sonia Gandhi’s Hindi. Along with the ticket a few translucent papers also arrive in the scene "jab zor se ho aai, aur saabun naa de dikhaai, and then instant haath ki safaai" waala paper.

And when the train halts at some random station its the (stone)age old tradition for the the daddyji to fill every empty thing in the compartment with the "shuddh and sheetal jal" which you get on the platforms. He disapperars with the empty bottles in the mileu and after a while when its time for the train to depart, the mummyji again with the disaster management look on her face exclaims " Kahaa chale gaye paani laane!! abhi tak nahee laaye!!" Piddhi is also in a full mood to explore the station, so he exclaims,
“Mumma main dekh ke aao,”
“Nahi koi zaroorat nahi, kahin akbaar lene chale gaye honge, jaise inke bina Manmohan Singh koi nirnay(decision) nahi lega”Her hubby after outmuscling and out-swearing (naya word note kar le!!) the other uncles at the water cooler, comes out all smiles with two half filled bottles under his arm pits & of-course aaj ka akhbaar.

To aapne dekha(padha), there is nothing like a Ratlam Station or a Decent hotel.

2) CCD - college ke chhichhore din :-
Now here, there is no Mr bajaj ki fan following families, and not Jab We Met, yeah Jab we MATE is for sure. Every sentence they utter is sandwiched between words which u utter each time you hear the actual figure of your boss' salary. O B……., M……
Once the brats are done with chaining their luggage and "sutta" they are set to explore the train for that “F-16 to F-22” s, whose locations they had byhearted from the reservation chart pasted outside the coach. They scan each compartment they pass by, and the data is shared among themselves when they reach the ends of the coach near the washbasin. And when that data is churned to come up with some vital information as to "which coach and which berth no.", the whole group oscillates to and fro about the "point of interest".These dudes like to get down at every other platform, roll up their sleeves, light a ciggy and look around and say "Weather kitna sexy hai re!!", (even if the train halts there just for a few nanoseconds). These guys sure are cool. I was one such brat some time back, alas i'm spoilt now.Aah the joys of the sleeper class. The sight of the stones and gravel from the hole in the commode, the sacred inscriptions on the toilet walls for instance some outright materialistic "Saleema i luv you..err..your.." and some philosophical as in "Ek aadmi ke hote hai 2 mouth , ek to hota hai north aur ek south"[of his anatomy] and some cheesy lines like .."Boond Boond se saagar bharta hai, apni boonde apne pass rakhiye" (ab aur nahee likhta!! rehne de yaar kuchh females bhi blog padhti hai...), the unadulterated entertainment provided by those clappy-happy eunuchs, the chaaiwaalahs drawl, Phew!! so many memories!! Let’s see if you can add to this list!! Till then Sat Sri Tatkaal!!

MY ORKUT GOES PUBLIC

2007-11-02T10:24:00.001+05:30

CUT 1--Date: November 2, 2011
The entire bouquet of News channel telecasting just single NEWS (hope they start doing that by 2011).
SENSEX TOUCHES 60K MARK (Text of Detailed report as below)
Marked by strong Investments by Vietnamese & Ethiopian Investors, returning of all fraud funds by the American & Brat defaulters, & the American Federal Reserves now paying additional amount rather than charging interests, the markets have shown a very strong response and have touched the magical mark of 60K…………….hurray!!!!!!

CUT 2---Reality
I hope this day comes and that will be the day that I shall make my ORKUT account a PUBLIC LIMITED COMPANY. But before doing that I must fulfill all the perquisites of that. For that I am inviting all you trustworthy readers of this blog to comment on how I can make my ORKUT account a successful one. Till now this account has 3 scraps (all by same person) zero photos, ZERO videos, a few friends jinko main disappoint nahi karna chahta tha.

ORKUT—A BRIEF INTRODUCTION (Co Act ke tahat aapko ye mandatory disclosure dena hota hai)

(((((Surfing ORKUT is a great time pass ever devised in Human history. Visit profiles, view their albums n they will ping you at least once, Waise being a guy i don't receive such "hai!! Can we be FRandz" kinda msgs..But what I do receive is Scraps of some other orientation……..yeah crooked sexual orientation)))))))

An example of that kind can be:
Jinki Privacy privade hui thi(JPPHT): Do I know You
Me: May be yes, or may be no……

JPPHT: Can I ask u 1 thin’
Me: Yeah waise bhi meri Scrap book khaali maidaan hai, treat it as ur playground, c’mon play!!!!!!

JPPHT: If only you desire can we have some fun on bed.
Me: Is my bed Appu Ghar, wanna have fun….search Google with @#$%^&*

JPPHT: Think again the ball is in your court.
Me: Buddy the problem is that balls are in both the courts

JPPHT: Hey do feel free to call me, My number is 98!@#$%^&*&
Me: Arrey wah, fun aap karo n balance mera udde, Aap CPI aur main Congress!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOGGED OUT, n logged in after a month then!!!!!!!!!!!!

But now, am for serious business. So please help me in creating my profile …..

****-Means urgent help required

Profile name: Cool Dude Hunk Funk Punk Dunk…eventually Sunk (comments welcome)
Decided to put all these names on a parchi, and then pick the lucky name.

Relationship Status: yahaan ek hee daalna hoga kya, can I opt for multiple Status J
Age: Obviously turned 20 last week

Languages: Bhojpuri, hindi(NO HELP REQD)
****Here For: nothing of the kind jaisa uppar mentioned hai..Well the cassette cover of DTPH says “pyaar dosti hai”, so naming one would automatically mean other
****About Me: Ab main apni taarif kya karoon……..aap logs hee bata do
Children: 20 ki age mein marriage is not allowed….bachche nai(Waise bachche karne ke liye shaadi zaroori nahi hoti)
****Ethnicity: Ugandan, Ghana, Niger, Port-Au-haiti(Choose One n Advise)
Religion: Secular (10/10 for this answer, bachcha log taali bajao)
****Political view: O yaar ye sab kya likha hai, Left, Right Centre, Asking for directions or…… koi inka matlab to bata do
****Humour: Ab ye sab kya likha aagaya….Again explain
Sexual Orientation: Straight (Majjaaak nee karne ka, abhi legal nahi hai na)
Fashion: As shown on FTV
Website: Sir upper uthao pata chal jayega….aagaya na samajh
****Sports: Solaah parchi Dhapp, raja Mantri chor sipahi, Poshampa (Advise the most genuine one, intellectual lagni chahiye)
Books: Pet dard ke gharelu ilaaj @ Rohtak Bus Stand, Jeeja Saali ke chutkule @ Bhiwani Bus Stand, Rangeen Shayaron ki rangeen shayari @ Farukkabad railway station. (Advise the most genuine one, intellectual lagni chahiye)
****TV shows: Rangoli/Krishi darshan/ Aap Aur Hum/Saptahiki(All are class, but fir bhi koi ek bata do)
Passion: Na mere pass nahi hai, mujhe discover jyada pasand hai… (so leave it)
Films: Hmm soch raha hoon ki is kaatil personality ka kuchh use karloon, dekhta hoon, but only with yash raj.
Cuisines: Ye cuisines aur cousins mein farak hota hai kya?….
Cousins to hai, sabke naam likhoon…….

Arrey yes, ek fotu bhi lagana hai………dekh lo kaunsa jachega….

So please pour in your suggestions so that I can call up FinMin n discuss the rest of formalities.

EOP

Hard Memories !

2007-04-29T18:57:00.001+05:30

Couple of days back, when I was enjoying my weekend at Rishikesh, while we were enjoying our rafting, the tourist guide just asked us to corner the raft as there was a “fresh accident” .One car had drowned in Ganges which had a family and after much efforts the children & driver were rescued. A dead body was lying & another was missing. The dead body was of the father, & one missing was of mother. It was shocking, disturbing, but more than anything else, it was unfortunate. I personally did not know the family, but it disturbed me. "Could've-been-us" feeling! The family was driving to Neelkanth & probably lost control of the car at a turn, n fell into river.probably, the driver dint have enough of sleep or he was too careless to lower the speed limit . eventually the car crashed & all this happened. Pity. Foolishness? Waste!

Couple of years back, I would have put the entire blame on the foolhardiness of that driver, but somehow it does not seem right anymore. Most of us are not aware how easy it is to lose our lives. Just a little misfortune and there is no tomorrow! Most of the time, most of us do not give any thoughts to such possibilities and the consequences. Moreover, it sets you thinking. One of our professor, whose tongue can sting at times, said, “This is perhaps the most mindless way of dying." And I couldn't agree more. Death if fearful, it’s not easy to digest it.

But still the memoirs of children haunt my mind, the life just moves on, its was bloody normal for me too. We came back, next day went to office, did the chores, but the children who lost parents, the trip will have radically different reminiscence for them.

More fortunately than unfortunately, early in my driving days, when I was still a noob, I had a little accident. I landed safely and absolutely no harm was done. But that incident never left me, it's always there at the back of my mind. Result: I developed as an extra cautious driver. Of course, I've had my moments of madness. Fortunately, I survived all of them.

There is not much to say. The sad incident can end up being just a statistical data point, unless we take a lesson from it. The human life is not that cheap to be ended as a data figure. Sincere appeal to all motorists - please drive carefully

HARE RAMA HARE KRISHH

2006-10-15T19:03:00.000+05:30

Well, been a long time since Ravan and his associates were burnt down to ashes n the day was shared by many people as their birthday, like the great Mahatma Gandhi, known for his gandhigiri n Lal Bahadur Shastri, the edifice of honesty, n also by a cousin and a friend of mine. Lucky people they have a holiday on their bdays.congrats n belated happy birthday, again.
Therefore, Ram, Sita, and Lakshman are on their way back after the tiring war with the Sanskrit professor who kidnapped his sita. Well the guys are coming back after their Visa clearance n all other formalities, they intruded using some illegal sea route, and are finally expected to return by next weekend, so we all have another holiday, chalo badiya hai!
Nevertheless, if anyone can convey the poor chaps that some Khosla ka Ghosla (Babbari Masjid) kind of fiasco has cropped at his birth place, but now Mr. Advani and his friends are fighting for that cause. CHEER UP!

It’s my humble request to all those waiting endlessly please make it a point, not to disturb them by crackers, just let the guys relax, amen it was a long war.

That was it.

A very important instruction to all my friends who read my blog n then call it hilarious, there is something I have to say “this is my life, n u call it …….gosh!!!!”
However, this life is taking me places, tholdi si dhool meri - dharti ki mere watan ki

My hobby of traveling was one of aspect that impressed the interviewer and the result is that I am here, at my present job,.
Smart me!!!!!!!!!!

Therefore, here I am, this is me doing some really important work at my work place. The most recurrent of all being email.I work full swing. Full swing as in work-check email-check news-stare at the monitor-check email-news-work. Of late, I have been a compulsive email checker/writer. I usually reply promptly to all emails I get. Of course, this applies only to personal emails. For work emails, I have a different set of rules :-P

This is in complete disagreement with my resolution, which I took with steel in my eyes before joining the job that I will work hardest to please my manager and other bosses.

changing gears from RAM to KRISHH
MY MATHURA VISITS.........

Yeah speaking about my travel job
In a bus, I prefer to have a window seat and eventually shrink myself to the cornerest part of the seat, sometimes it’s so shrunk up that conductor would come up to me and taunt me that I had purchased full ticket and not half. To cut off my self from the public, I slot in the earphones so hard in my ears that I am hardly able to hear anything from the junta of bus and then starts my endless glare to the fields of my country. The best bet of this traveling is that one has ample time to sleep and special thanks to NHAI and UP Govt. for helping me realize these sleeps. The UP roadways busses, at least plying on Delhi-Agra route have AC (charged phenomenally high, although, but that ensures less occupancy too), are well curtained, and now comes the most yuck part
While sleeping saliva comes out of my mouth which I regularly wipe away with those curtain….heeeeeehaaaaaaaaaa
Such a devil I am !!!!!!!

But still I don’t throw any chipps wrapper or used up mineral(packaged drinking) water bottle in the bus !!!!!
Such a little angel I am……….too sweet!!!!!!

Talking about guys in these buses, these worn out dressed guys are die hard Himesh Reshammiya fans and their black and white jeans(they call it worn out) are simply irresistible and definitely deserve a glare and if combined with a yellow shirt with makes them look like Taxi in the bus or some times that shining red silk (actually that’s Polyester treated with excess of caustic) shirt which makes them a complete Mithun look a like ……………………………
And the most striking common among the masses and classes of this place is their love for tobacco based pan masalas and their red mouth reminds me of MTV DHARTI KE LAAL

PS: Please do not form an opinion after you complete reading all the traveling voes. Those opinions will not count! :)

Chalo fir, amen EOP
Ab isse jyada kya likhoon
U guys are not gonaa comment any ways
U GROWN UP DEVILS!!!!!!!!!!

Just a Passing Thought

2006-08-27T12:08:00.000+05:30

I still remember, I was in school that time in the 8th standard when I heard of computers first time. Though it was almost clear that the subject would not be evaluated in final examinations, yet every body was interested in computer subject, or at least the lab. It was an air-conditioned lab. We were awestruck, as going to an air-conditioned room was a privilege that time, and nobody out of my friends had seen a computer before. We removed footwear outside the lab out of fear that some virus may attack computer. I guess that time even our teacher did not knew which virus actually attacks the computer. So there, we had removed our tiny shoes outside the lab and we stood in semi-circle around the lone computer that was in the lab. Everybody was pushing each other around in order to get closer look. Our teacher opened ms-paint. He then showed us how to draw something on computer. It looked like out of the world that time, drawing without pencils, sketch-pens, eraser and sketch-book. First of all seeing a computer itself was a big thing and then ability to do sketching on a computer was even big thing. After our teacher had drawn whatever looked like a tree, we thought we would have homework to draw something similar on a computer. We pushed each other around in order to use the computer, but our teacher ordered all of us to go back to the class. We used to boast about our teacher. My teacher is a master in computer. He can draw sketches. He operates computer very fast. And none of my other friends believed that that time.

I had not even thought that time that someday I would work on a computer, or own one. Moreover, today when I work on a laptop, it somehow doesn't feel that we know a great deal about computers. It has no longer remained the thing of awe, instead has become a necessity. Your eye-sight, your energy, ration, medical, grocery bills are all now told by computers.

Even this post would not have seen the light of day without a computer

Kya Karein, Kya Na Karein

2006-08-26T02:11:00.000+05:30

Now days…………….
I am playing
Badminton

I am listening
Mehfuz by Euphoria
Beedi jalaye jiagr se piya, jigar mein badi aag hai from OMKARA
Door Jaake bhi tu mere saanson mein rehna from KANK

I am watching
KANK promos on NEWS channels

I am also
Talking a lot and utilizing the low cellphone tariffs

I am DOING
NOTHING

Amongst all these doings’, I have something which remains unanswered

WHERE’S MY PURPOSE DUDE

Amen, every thing aside, I now feel that mere jeewan mein who nahi hai, kya kehte hain usse
LAKSHYA...........
LAKSHYA, that’s the word (definitely, copied from the movie Lakshya)

May be, I too need some Preity Zinta kinda gal who can perpetuate my life into new horizons, as Hrithik’s life had in the movie.

Must say the generation X of our country is going great guns, man every one is so focused about his career, in this regard the hers are even more concerned, yeh aajakl ki ladkiyan, they are so focused.
Almost every friend of mine, is working in such a planned way…..
The day I call up second guy, some of the most obvious replies are
“ I am forwarding my resume to bla bla”
“ yaar, ek nayi offer aayo hai……”

Moreover, talking about their packages, its getting obese from fat, amen there should be a limit. Since most of my friends are associated with software/ service sector
I am not estranged to terms like
Coding
Networking
Product Development
Mainframe
..............................................................................

For me, it is like selling Guar and becoming GAVAAR, day by day.

This kind of scenario is not new for me, its following me from the day I opted for textile engineering.
Some of the most common questions I just hate to answer are here. Please don’t ask me these in future.
Then,
@@ : TEXTILE……aur kuchh nahi mila, computer vumputer, jo ye lee
However, this is the truth but I do not let every one know the truth so my answer goes as
## :nahin, it’s a good field with lot of potential, India is coming up fast in textiles,.... WTO, MFA, etc,etc.....
Now,
@@: your mumma was telling you have got a job
##: yeah

@@: Kahaan
## : Rhodia Hindustan Gum & Chemicals Ltd.

In this age of Infosys, HCL, WIPRO, no one has heard about it,
so the next one goes like
@@: Kahaaaaaannnnnnnnn
##: Rhodia Hindustan Gum & Chemicals Ltd, Rhodia is a US chemical giant and they are into manufacture of textile thickeners.

@@ :?????
## :????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

janam diwas

2006-07-17T00:23:00.000+05:30

birth•day / Ñ 'b3;TdeI; NAmE Ñ 'b3;rT-/ noun the day in each year which is the same date as the one on which you were born:
Happy Birthday! Ç Oliver’s 13th birthday Ç a birthday card / party / present

IDIOMS

in your 'birthday suit(humorous)
not wearing any clothes

Times they surely have changed, well for me at least they have changed, can’t say, improved or not!!! But they have changed. I don’t know whether it’s just a matter of time or age, but the birthday merriments, for me, at least, have taken a complete u turn….

First three birthdays:
I don’t remember what ensued (I was too young that time), but a few albums pics confirm that I had burnt one of my fingers while cutting cake during my first birthday, the rest two I don’t remember.

A few more celebrations:
During primary school time birthday was the most awaited event of year, even more than diwali and holi, and but obviously, much more than exam results and prize(????) ceremony.

The birthday celebration almost began three days ago, when the menu at the party was to be decided and most importantly which sweet (toffee) to be distributed in the school and how many extras toffees will camaraderie guys(boys) get, since my inception, I never had a girl in my group!!!......

And on the big day………………
Happy birthday from best friends, I still remember, a friend of mine who used to wish me the great day with his hand made card, and too early morning.
Due to pro socialist economy, there was no cell phone honking or phone ringing eagerly to wish me the day.( At least birthday ki subah to sone dena chahiye), but there was hardly any birthday when I didn’t get a card from my brothers and sisters, although the six sigma certified postal department ensured a delay for at least one or two cards.

In school the birthday boy was given a special grant to wear civic clothes and some real harsh treatment from teachers on their cheeks and sweet tap by a few, but only a few.

Back at home, even without having lunch, the best friend was called so as to invite every one in the colony and urging them to be there at the ceremony, and with a gift, though the latter was never said, but the tenor of invitation was that only.

The celebration was very homely and I can swear of the exuberance, which was more than what Osama Bin Laden had after bombing WTO Towers. The big time and all this with a shiny winy conical hat on head…

Maharaazzzzzzzzzz ka janam din

Evaluation of gifts, which was the time to reward best friend’s ardor

High School Birthday parties:
It was the time when school canteen was the adda for parties, but these were the birthdays which I didn’t relish too much. The reason being that being a cancer Ian, my birthday was during the period when the holidays homework was to submitted, being a more than ordinary student in studying activities, my holidays homework was, I don’t think there is a need to comment on this, and that crapped all the celebration, and teachers were not so lineate to waive off the birthday baby.

Senior Secondary School: This was a time of masti as the venue of birthday party was now nirula’s or priya and not home or school canteen. This too had its preparations starting a few days ahead as now the agenda was BUDGET of party, and how can I condone those few rascals who would blatantly ask for a sundae after those burgers and pitchers.

The wishes were mainly conveyed by the means of e-cards, thanks to 123greetings, dgreetings, indiatimes e-cards and many other generous e card providers, sorry to archies.

College time Bdays:Due to post examination holidays, I had very peaceful birthdays during college life and the most relished ones, no treat ki chinta, and gifts were profuse, mazza machho

Apni salary ki treat:
Due to penury crated by skimpy salary, I do not have a cell phone. Thanks to this situation, I had enough of sleep before I could realize that it is my birthday and it was only when I checked my mail account, where I had best wishes for my happiness and long life, from friends, who pulled out time from their busy schedules which is so much engulfed in writing soft wares on how to help Americans wash their hands in a better way after soiling them every morning.

The most obvious thing as soon as I met them was TREAT and I was fully loaded, but they had their intention for something like a French dinner, of 17 course, I too offered them Ruby’s Tuesday and it was like TATA Steel offering an all cash hostile bid to MITTAL Steel, but thanks to the tanks of pity in their heart they settled for a cheaper version and even more thanks to pizza hut guys who gave us a middle size pizza against our order of medium one.

Then the treat concluded with some coffees at Café Coffee Day.

At the end of story I feel that birthday were a better deal during college time at least gifts were offered, now the guys don’t even bother to gift me a fully loaded CD of Himesh’s latesht offerings and help me attain niravana or eternal bliss……………

But never mind , I always have the love they shower and also the indebted to them for their gesture of reading blogs.

EOP

fillum ho to aisi

2006-07-02T18:54:00.000+05:30

I have a very lenient heart when it comes to ranking Hindi movies; I always take very special care that a Hindi movie is rated above its English counterpart, though Nikhat Kazmi has an entirely different stand on it, must check times of India’s review for any confusion.
Yesterday I went to my CDwallah for my fresh of bollywood dose and asked him for some latesht bolly flicks
Me: array yaar kaun kaun se nayi picturein hain
Cdwallah: teesri aankh hai , tathasthu hai, ankahee hai, saawan hai…mmmmmm…. Love ke chakker mein , ye nayi aayi hai, coumeidy hai.

But I was looking for some intellectual stuff

Me: aparichit ya alag hai….. ya fir hot money!!!!!!!!
Cdwallah, with quizzical eyebrows: hot money gayi hui hai aur…..
Aap aparichit dekhna hi kyun chahte hai, aage koi fillum dekhne ka mood nahi hai kya!!!!

Me: yaar mangwa de
Cdwallah: aisi cd ke to paise bhi poore nahi hote.
Me: Saawan ke hojayenge

So after searching his collection I eventually found a movie which I supposed would quench my thirst I found SHAADI SE PEHLE
Reasons for this movie
1.) Ayesha Takia: I don’t think anybody has to say anything against this cute babe, I just cannot miss any of her movie, be it Tarzan, shaadi no 1, socha na tha…….
2.) Name of movie: the name definitely indicates a stuff which has something to do with extra marital affair, and I expected some double meaning comedy, some thing like masti or no entry. Cheap and Anonymous Limited kinda stuuf, I would label it.
3.) Satish Kaushik: the director over the past has directed some magnificent movies and I expected him to deliver some good performance again.

The story in very brief, actually there is no story!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boy meets girl number one.
Boy leaves girl number one.
Boy meets girl number two
Boy leaves girl number two
Boy again meets girl number one…… The End

Though this is far beyond imagination but the fact is that I left the Brazil France match and watched this movie……………. Sorry for this!!!!!!!!!!!
After watching the movie, I can only say one thing
if you wish I can hug Himesh Reshammiya , but please don’t ask me to watch this movie again or even if you ask me to believe that India would beat Brazil 9-0 in soccer , Osama would open up a Flower Shop in California and start handing out white daisies to little kids for free ( with a smile ) , and Brad Pitt would star in a haryanvi movie, I would readily believe, but please not this movie.
The movie is an exceptional poor piece of entertainment (???????) and this is a poor cousin of Satish Kaushik’s previous movies.
Ratings: how many stars????????????? Stars I wont give any satellite or planet to this …….. I don’t know what this is!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will definetly try and procure aparichit and alag by next weekend, aur hotmoney…….. I will buy DVD

EOP

2006-06-26T14:41:00.000+05:30

A few words for all my friends

What brought us together might remain unspoken
What held us together might be worn off and broken
Even if your way was different as I felt was mine
Now I want our paths to cross
Waiting for my time…... (Sic)

EOP (end of post)

Number 1 vs. number 10

2006-06-25T01:55:00.000+05:30

Writing a blog after so many days is more perplexed than jotting it down in a more regular manner, the difficulty is in putting affairs into a preferential order. I think I have two favorites when it comes to blog writing, one being Himesh Reshammiya and the other is Haryana’s heartland.

This time it’s no censure of the raw“king” music director, it’s not even the heart land, but the community that makes the soul of the heartland.
I had a trip to Chandigarh a few days back , before joining my job, and since then it has been weekly to and fro to the “Sehwag land”. But the things that strikes most is the difference in the junta(populations) of two parts of the same state, and, it is so contrasting that its hard to imagine that you are in the same state.

The route to Chandigarh, i.e. national highway number one is one of the best highways in the country and has almost all the facilities to match the world standards (but its junta like me, who haven’t seen the highways of SEZs in China, who say so!). Driving on this highway is a pleasure in itself, but not only driving car, the bus journey on this highway is equally good. The state roadways service provides with an ample of option like that of ordinary bus, deluxe bus or the newly launched Volvo air conditioned buses. This gives an option of how much big hole you want to burn in your wallet. The crowd in the AC and deluxe buses is so called up market one (though I too have traveled in these buses, but then….)

The buses on the other route i.e. highway ten are only ordinary ones and traveling in these buses is an experience in itself. The crowd in these buses , (please forgive me for these explicit content!!!). I somehow cannot distinguish between jaat junta of this place. All of them (pagdi and moustache and all) look all the same to me, unless I have some other discernible parameters like height, or whatever and every body carrying a bunch of bidis with him, where as the bus clearly follows apex court’s order by writing DHOOMRPAAN NISHEDH which aims to ban smoking in public places, but then who cares and with a 2 day old stubble, they seem as if they could do with a bath. They usually stand on the footboard and a very interesting characteristic which distinguishes them is that these people have a very special interest in everybody else’s business and they try to or in fact actually participate in all the road rage or fight between conductor and fellow passengers regarding chhuta(change) or stoppage of bus. And the questioning of these people is as if they are some embassy people and the other one is a visa applicant.

Another significant difference is in the content of language. The language, here, mainly consists of expletives and one gets into very awkward position if he is accompanied by a female.

A little deeper insight into the community will clearly explain the things, the economic globalisation has definitely made an impact on the economic structure of this community, but talking in social terms they are no better to what they were half a century ago and the mismatch between their ideologies and that of literate generation is clearly visible.

Times, are they surely changing.

a tale of four brothers

2006-06-07T00:39:00.000+05:30

I share a very close relationship with three (anku, minku, and monu) of my cousins, so close that we don’t cite each other as cousin; we are more like brothers, bhai!!!!! All four of have one thing common and that is we all had extrinsic factor of being intelligent types( meritorious)
All of us got birth into the right family. Our parents were pretty serious about our education and they wanted us to do well in academics.
They were financially capable of sending us to good school and we staye there for 12 long years

But all of us have something or other really great when it comes to our academic performances

Me and anku getting re appears three out of eight times in engineering
Minku cleared his class 10 and 12 with pathetic scores
All of us dropped an year to get admission into an engineering college

But the seeds of genious were within us from our childhood days

I and minku, since the very first day of school were considered “hopeless case” and that brought us even closer, although anku was admirable in his early days but he too became a part of our gang and relished the tikki, which so far was mine aand minku’s exclusive. Monu became a part of our alliance only after class 12 and left it to realize his dreams of becoming a respectable software engineer. Great, he succeeded in that!!!!!!!!!!

But there is always one aspect where I envy my brothers and that’s the department of kudiyaan!!!!!

Three of them always (from the time their relevance began) had a kudi or a good friend beside them, to befriend them, to cheer them, to console them but with me the things were a bit different (no pun intended)…………..
Due to certain behavioral mismatches, I was never comfortable with the girls in my class. They demanded I don't use foul language. They sprinkled any conversation with 'so sweet’, ' so cute' and such pink terms , which was in direct dissonance with the dude type metal head self image I fostered……….
And that continued during my graduation period too and eventually I lost the battle but God gave their luck ball in hands of Pakistani fast bowlers who with an absolute delight can make the old ball swing in right direction.
But koi baat nahi MERA NUMBER AAYEGA
Girls don’t fall for looks. They dig inner beauty. My intestines and kidneys are beautiful.

Kudi or no kudi what so special in us the never ending bond of sharing, caring…….
Small moments , moments of trust , moments of laughter , moments of teasing each other , a few moments of sadness , little moments………..
BANE CHAHE DUSHMAN ZAMAANA SAARA,
SALAAMAT RAHE DOSTANA HAMAARA

!@#$%^&*()_+|

2006-06-06T00:53:00.000+05:30

When I started the blog writing, I always had paid an emphasis that on writing stuff which would makes the visitor laugh a bit or at least relieve the tensions. And probably that was the reason why I didn’t comment anything on obc quota like issue, but when my own mood is a bit upset it’s not that easy to write all nonsense, to cut a long story short the blog is not intended for every one but only for…….

Why is it that at times things happen in such a way that I feel totally helpless…? I'm just so helpless ....the matters are such that i cannot find a solution for them... and every time, hundreds of times a day, each time I come face to face with them i am again given a full blown account of those genuinely dumb problems.. What can I do except feel bad for them? Things can go so terribly wrong at times. They can be so miserable, so bleak, so…………

But enough is enough, no problem can be resolved without knowing the root cause and why is it that all the problems have so brainless reason………

But like a winner, I should fully comprehend that the troubles are meant to be gunned down and I firmly resolve that I will be bringing following changes in my life
A few materialistic replacements to start with:
Replace beer with juice (daily)
Replace sutta with fruits

The ones that will matter most
Replace the looser in me with a winner
Replace the pessimistic ass hole by an optimistic one
Replace short temper by patience
Replace casual approach by a hard working attitude

There wont be magic but things will improve.

I need a break. I need a break. I need break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break. I need a break.

koi shaque

2006-06-05T00:56:00.000+05:30

Already aware of the fact that is my last free week before I set into new venture of life, I resolute to take a complete break and enjoy my life to the fullest,two things i decided to exploit completely are my 21" tv and 17" dabba and with these two stuffs, I made sure that I wont gain any piece of knowledge or frankly speaking, frustrate my self, by watching news channel( bharat aaj west eendeej mein apna pehla test khelegi….) or reading newspaper and pledged to quench my thirst of entertainment by watching music channels all day and in that regard I would like to mention a special thanks(from the bottom of my heart) to my cable operator who has started broadcasting channel [v] and zee music after a long recess

That is the only happy part of the story

After aching my fingers through the numerous buttons of the remote and arraying all the music channels in a row after eliminating atleast dozen tamil, kannad, benagli channels, what all I got was some great hindi music, with one thing common….. himesh reshamiyya…..from 36 china town to phir hera pheri the music director turned singer turned super model turned heart throb is surely raawww”king”
The singing capabilities of the singer are, I believe, ossuuummmm as he can turn any blasphemous lyric into a super hit song in a single go. Already too much has been said about his voice but a factor which has been long overlooked is the lyrics. A recent hit “I love you sayonee, koi shaque, wassup!!!!” is pathetic beyond imagination and is more common on music channels than rahul mahajan is on news channel.I suppose the lyricist had some stupidity pills in the lunch before writing this song. And then I came across another song, which I would like to mention, its “ye taara wo taara” from the movie swades. The song is equally beautiful as inspiring; I tried to recollect some of the lines from the song
Tumne dekhi hai dhanak to
Bolo rang kitne hai
Saat rang kehne ko
Phir bhi sang kitne hai
Samjho sabse pehle to
Rang hote akele to
Indradhanush banta hi nahi
Ek na hum ho paaye to
Anyay se ladne ko
Hogi koi janta hi nahi
Phir na kehna nirbal hai kyon haara
Hoomm taara taara

Boond boond milne se
Banta hai ek dariya hai
Boond boond sagar hai
Varna yeh saagar kya hai
Samjho is paheli ko
Boond hai akeli to
Ek boond jaise kuch bhi nahi
Hum auro ko chodo tho
Mooh sabse hi mode tho
Tanha rah na jaaye dekho hum kahi
Kyo na bane milke hum dhaara
Hoomm taara taara

Jo kisan hal sambhale
Dharti sona hi ugaaye
Jo gwala gaiyyan paale
Doodh ki nadi bahaye
Jo lauhar loha taale
Har auzaar tal jaaye
Mitti jo kumbhar utaale
Mitti pyaala ban jaaye
Sab yeh roop hai mehnath ke
Kuch karne ki chaahat ke
Kisika kisise koi bair nahi
Sab ke ek hi sapne hai
Socho to sab apne hai
koi bhi kisise yaha gair nahi
Seedhi baat hai samjho yaara
Hoomm taara taara

Last Word on Exams

2006-06-03T11:30:00.000+05:30

52(6×8+4) theory subjects
3 hours each
A total of 156 hours……
Imagine this happening to a piece of coal at such a high pressure…..according to what I saw in one of Disney cartoons where uncle Scrooge made a fleet of elephant run over coal, transformed the entire coal deposit into diamonds, so now I can consider my self a diamond………. Kohinoor or just noor is what I am now ;)

The schedule of almost every exam was more or less the same
Set alarm at 0245 hrs, start studying by three and by the time it was six and most of my batch mates were making a final revision, I cherished gazing the little sparrows and butterflies. Finally when those caveat signals stop blinking and I became confident that I will be able to attempt enough questions that would prevent me from flunking, the notes closed and that was the time to bid a final adieu to my notes. And that was the time when the photographer in me sprouted and I would waste hours taking the pics of hostel and little bird from different angle and show them to every body, who instead of praising them commented “padhne de zaleel, tune to fail hona hi hai….mujhe to pass hone de”

Scene at examination hallI used to be among the few first ones to reach the college, even before sitting arrangement was put up, but I was never the first one, as I always found some laila majnus where top five most non cute girls of the universe were busy explaining their jaanus ….. jab yarn mein twist badhta hai….. to mere dil mein crimp badhta hai….
And then a trip to comp lab and library, the two most happening love zones of college, where a few more twists were being untwisted.

And then the exam time…………………..
Wrote non stop for 3 hrs, gosh!!! the paper simply refused to end!!!!! and the answers simply refused to come out and in between their tussle I was the one who was losing the battle, these exams are a waterloo for me!!!!! Not just once or twice, it happened six times in a fortnight. But the good news is that the hectic life is over as I don’t have a camera to click all those birds again and no more exam to watch the pyaar mein doobe yaar!!!!!

Finally over…will become a full time blogger for next few days before I start a new chapter of laziness and depressing nonsenses......

a bitter pill

2006-05-12T10:02:00.000+05:30

i may be infrequent in blogging over next few days because of some anti social elements who are trying to check my knowledge in field of textiles for the eight time, in succession!!!

if i recall last four sems in which i have got just a single reappear,though i continue to rank last in the class, i have evolved a unique style of coming out of examination hall,i flipp away the pen(after last exam) and the question paper with the arrogance one feels after the end of exams.you know.ther is this, this euphoria just after the subject which had screwed you for past six months is now over. And I feel happy ,even though at the back of my mind i know that the answer i copied from the next guy may be wrong , i feel relieved.

my profile as a student was not at all like a good engineering student should possess. i was a typical "thrown out of class, unashamed, unfazed" guy . and in case i was asked a question, i would turn my emotions as if i have been just informed about my blood cancer and my life is just a matter of few days :(!!!
And I am not proud of all this.I should have studied but I just dint enjoy all that technical stuff, any insane would enjoy a structure of a dye whose chemical formula would last from left corner to right corner of te register page.

i was not a typical "girl chaser" and i shared more interests in wi fi than wife, but it was just a matter of two semesters, and by the time i realised the importance of a girl friend and great respect all the guys recieve in hostels because of their gfs, i was a bit too late, the exceptionally skewed gender ratio even shatterd my dreams!!!

MAX VELLA AWARD

2006-05-10T01:11:00.000+05:30

It's been like ten days since I have studied any textile material and am beginning to forget how dye structures look. Instead I am surfing net, watching movies all day, smsing, chatting on phone…… Studying for me will now, like, be asking manmohan singh to do the VJing for some music channel

During all these days of vellapan I have classified vellas in three categories:
Export quality vellas: all my software friends come into this category. These are the guys who don’t have a project right in their hands….but; at least they have got some work to do…. N contributing something to the country’s GDP/GNP/FOREX by EXPORTING software …. So export quality

Perfunctory vellas: These vellas don’t have much work to do, just doing a perfunctory training or a computer course to oblige their parents, but, definitely in a city where their gfs are export quality velli!!!!!!!

Seconds ke velle: this type of vellas are the one who literally have no work to do, their survival is worth questioning….they are like the ones who should be sent to flood affected areas after labeling them Discount Sale …seconds ka maal…… or for free

No price for guessing my category!!!!!!!!!!!

To overcome this boredom various methods were tried out this time,

CROSSROADS: went to crossword couple of times. It's a nice bright bookstore with a lot of books. Middle aged women in khadi kurtas sit around on low stools and pore over books discussing ways to rekindle the fire in married lives. Little kids noisily run around book racks and their mothers threaten to burn their toys if they don't shut up. Young girls are around the fiction racks, so am I, sometimes, with my self acclaimed x ray eyes!!!! I think most people found in a bookstore are fat. Maybe it's because they spend a lot of time sitting and reading books on weight reduction. I didn’t pick up any.

FOOD COURT: to eat something .PIECE OF ADVICE. Never trust anyone, especially those neatly dressed and English isspeaking waiters who will abet you to have most costly item and unsavory too. So, just do not. And you can't do a thing because they have already bought the crabshit. It is a hard world. And then you realise you it is harder. After every food court visit irealise that road side pav bhaji was a much better option. I wanted to empty the ketchup sachet in their nose. But a cute guy can't just fill someone's nostrils with ketchup and not be beaten thereafter. I controlled my anger, many times…..or every time.

APPAREL stores: got out and went to a lot of stores and kept checking out the price tags of all the stuff there. Then I used to make a peculiar whooshing sound with his breath every time I did that, it translated into 'why don’t I have a rich dad who is into smuggling?’. I did not have to buy anything. So I tried on all the caps and went around looking for something which had the price of a matchbox. People don't have the right marketing guys. It is a blunder to have that dark guy at the billing counter. I felt a strange creepy chill the way he smiled at me.
BLOGS: one great thing which I have done all these days is blogging and realized there’s nothing like blogging to flog your boredom and read and write how stupid acts can be converted into one of the most wonderful and readable and laudable thing. I have never interacted with all the blog writers and know them as much as Saddam Hussein knows my house keeper. I visit blog regularly, but I suffer from the "khao piyo khisko" syndrome. I read blogs, and enjoy reading them and then think "Yaar comment likhne se kaunsa India ko FIFA cup mein chance mil jayega".

Its undeniably sardonic for a guy who would be in the most talked about sector of Indian economy and go on to be CEO or president or Managing Directors of company as big as big whales is so free that he has all this time to write this stuff…but this can be termed as the silence before storm.

In a day or two I will be back to college and studying hard to pass through all six gas chambers in which I will be pushed every second day. I firmly believe that since gas chambers are very costly and rare commodities these days, the universities have evolved these semester exams, but should not the students of last semester be bye passed from this harsh punishment.

2006-05-06T23:12:00.000+05:30

NO-ID(E)A, where power is!!!!!!!!

In a not so fundo type but definitely a significant night out at NOIDA with my best friend (this mention necessary, he asked me to mention him in next blog, so here it’s for you bro.). Well, to add on, I would also like to describe this great friend of mine. He is typical girl-impresser, not desperate, and also not actually (or he pretends so) dying to impress girls type, of guy. I always feel that if he goes to somebody's condolence meeting and meets the deceased's daughter there, he would tell her she is looking pretty in the white saree and ask for her telephone number and ask her out to a coffee!!!!!............but this post is not at all about this friend of mine.

At around 2330 hrs, we were chatting (it was not much of chat as I was the one who was speaking the most part, and like a very good friend, although he was nodding, a yes was always there) outside a McDonald’s, where the glitzy lights were still turned on, regarding the steps taken by Delhi government to cope with the grim power situation in the city viz. shops to be closed by 1930 hrs, air conditioners of offices to be switched off by evening, general public asked to use AC and some other measures. After having a lot of discussions on what actually are the problem, which, so far has not even been discovered by the panels of expert, and also his mood, I preferred to say good bye to this topic….. apne baap ka kya jaata hai and then my favorite “mera kuchh nahi ho sakta is kachre ke dibbe mein” and went to Nescafe to chill out and finally to room.

Par kismant to kuchh aur hi manzoor tha, it didn’t want me to end the debate…..oops chat, then and there but to get an example of what exactly is conditions of not our villages but also of suburbs like NOIDA. At around 0200 hrs when we finally decided to say ciao to the day, bijlee devi ne bye bye kar diya!!!!

Inverter supported our lives(like ventilators supported pramod mahajan’s) for two hours, inverter also bid an adieu to us, and at 4 in the morning we were left orphaned, uss time ma ki bahut aayi, mumma  and I thought that pramod mahajan even died in an AC room aur hum……

And fir jasie kaise 6 baje aur bijlee devi prakat hui aur hum sukh ki neend soye….
But at 7 in the morning………no, no more bijlee devi problem but some other devi had problem, jinke bare mein baad mein kabhi….. and after such a great evening I had to star my weekend by getting up 7 in the morning …………………………………..

A REQUEST TO ALL SENSIBLE INDIANS: PLEASE TURN YOUR ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENTS OFF WHEN NOT IN USE. HAMAARE DESH KI HAALAT AISI NAHI KI HUM KUCHH BHI ASTE KAR SAKEIN.

2006-05-05T11:47:00.000+05:30

A Tale Of Two Practical

April 1912: Titanic sinks.
August 15 1947: India becomes independent
January 26 1950: India becomes republic
.
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December 24 2002: my first engineering practical; subject: computer applications
May 02 2006: my last engineering; subject: don’t know, some textile auxiliaries

In the four years of engineering, I appeared for approximately 25 viva, all of different subject (I never got a re in any of them, at least), but one thing which was common to all was my knowledge about the subject, which were so low that I needed a submarine too find them or at least my IQ level should be more than bathroom sleepers, but sorry, no scope. To be true there is no point, why I should have great vivas, my lab assistant (lab asses) always wore dubious look as if I was trying to smuggle three surface to air missiles and a couple of rifles into the lab and were always a bit more mindful about me performing any pra(n)ctical in the lab.in the first viva, after askin a lot about pasal, rascal, basic, cobol and other crabshits I was finaaly asked to define a computer, cmon how can this great invention of human be defined in just a single line……..
In my last viva I was asked only single question and in layman’s lingo it would be what is head and shoulders in HEAD AND SHOULDERS DANDRUFF SHAMPOO, and I couldn’t answer that too……the teacher didn’t dare to ask another one!!!!!!!!

This time, one of the vivas was regarding mill practices, so there was no lab ass involved and in other viva my attendance made my lab ass forget who is 204!!!! As usual there was nothing much to yell in the viva voce and the teachers were so flabbergasted, this guy will be in the industry in coming month or so, and what will be he doing there, the only thing that appeased them was that I am not production profile and I have more of “dealing” profile.

But a great thing happened during my last practical, two girls (kind of creature) praised a lot about my cool dude attitude, my pragmatic approach and all that made me a worth remembering guy……..oohoooooohhh..aye saala, abhi abhi hua yakeen ke aag hai mujhmein kahin…….. ROSHNI HAI…….light at the end of tunnel…

2006-05-03T11:37:00.000+05:30

Chhote chhote sheheron se, khali bore dopaharon se, hum to jhola utha ke chale...

What is it that defines a 'chhota sheher'? By population, Bhiwani, a dusty city in the heartlands of Haryana is a large town, double the size of NOIDA.

And yet, NOIDA is not a city you associate with being a 'small town'. It's almost 'metro' in its attitude and way of life. Bhiwani, on the other hand, is still a chhota sheher at heart.

But still this chhota sheher offers many great benefits which cities like Gurgaon or NOIDA may not offer, cant say for every one, but, definitely to me, they do offer.

ADVANTAGES OF SMALL CITY
CHEAP restaurants: the city has only four or five restaurants where the food is not so pathetic and the cost is a quarter to what one has to pay at pizza hut or dominos. To add to it the restaurants also offer discounts to college students which no pizza hut or dominos offers.

Another advantage is poor availability of good beer and sutta brands. In city like Bhiwani, one has to travel miles (or at least a mile) to get a benson lights or a fosters, n that too expired one sometimes, this reduces the cost of these unnecessary expenditures to a great extent.

The biggest benefit I personally extracted that my parents never came to meet me in the tenure of four years; this helped me to live as a dirty creature throughout these four years and also happily.

Cost reduction in survival, this is great aspect which I find unique to this city only, the city has no cinema hall, no multiplex or anything which can be called source of entertainment. WANNA ENJOY A MOVIE…GO FOR PIRATED CD (Rs 10 only)

For a guy like me, who has no girl friend, this is heaven….. no one can dare to be open with his/her buddy in this city and that is ;)
On a serious note
'Progress' here is a strange creature. The people in this city have a very orthodox attitude and they do not want to develop or change at all. Some times I consider my self a fool who packed his bag and went to a city where people find an excuse to fight with each other and, at the end of the day, do nothing for the development of the place where their coming generations have to study and carve out a niche for themselves

2006-04-27T12:09:00.000+05:30

Last days of cool-age

Come May 25 and I will be free from, what many of my family and friends call college and I will be given a certificate which will make me a provisional engineer and I know how much I deserve, to be an engineer. A degree which says that I have passed out as a textile engineer from one of premiere (the institute claims itself to be) engineering colleges of India. After nearly wait of four year, I will provisionally became an engineer. Thanks to my recruiters I will not have to slog my self in textile chemical processes again in my life and if the lady luck romances with me I may have another MBA degree in coming years, but!!!!
But this last semester will have some never ending memories in my mind. After a pathetic performance in CAT and jugaading a not so ok but kaam chalaau kinda job, I thought to set myself free in the last semester….. I can never forget all the week long vacation when all my friends at the college were attending classes and making assignments, I was the one who was on saunter in the priya complex or the glitzy malls of gurgaon. Doing nothing, just reading blogs, watching rang de around 25 times and cramming the dialogues and endlessly using them without any purpose. And noe the greatest of all missing all six second mid sems of last semester which will definitely have adverse effect on my final performance but a budding manager should have this risk taking ability( but calculated).
With in a month or so I will be free but then I will definitely miss the life spent in the hostels. I loved my room in all the hostels, they were probably known to ever body in hostel because of peculiar smell and the kind of chaos they possessed. All this dirt. All the biscuit and chips packets still lying here. I just love this room. I bet this is the dirtiest place. The mess’ never ending mess will be long remembered.

More to come when I bring out my nostalgic moments of cool age life.

2006-04-27T00:16:00.000+05:30

the name of blog doesnot say it all, the reason for this name is just that i got bugged by the sorry reply which i got, so before i could say a final no, i tried this one and this was available.
with this i start my own blogging journey, after reading, copying, pasting blog of others.
best of luck to me.wish i get success in atleast aspect of life.