Pangas & Dangas -Monthly Report I

You know, all the pangas you face in this life, from a quarrel with the subjiwala over the rates of tinda to dropping your cellphone in a drain, can be classified in three distinct categories, ascending in order of their gravity.

The smallest and most chindi sort of pangas are those where your sneaky boss sneaks up from behind, while you are chatting with pinkbunny_89 on the office system. Not very dangerous, if you remain as calm as a dead rabbit and tell the boss that the client from SF likes to discuss project requirements under the guise of pinkbunny_89 due to 'security reasons'.

Then there is the little more jaanleva category of pangas, when, a month later than the aforementioned incident involving your boss and miss pinkbunny_89, your sneaky boss again sneaks up on you, and catches you chatting with pinkbunny_89 while the client from SF is on the phone with the boss. Still manaeagable, I would say, if you can put on a facial expression as wooden as John Abraham’s, and say to your boss, 'Pinkbunny_89 is NOT our client from SF? …Pinkbunny_89 is not? Well Sir….what can I say..…”

But then, there is the biggest sort of panga, big enough to wipe out the dinosaurs upto the last inch of their tails, the sort of panga which happens when one warm evening after the aforementioned incidents with pinkbunny_89, the sneaky boss sneaks into his daughter's room as she works on the computer, looks over her shoulder and makes the discovery that she has a rather girly chat id called pinkbunny_89, while you are merrily sending her rather disturbing emoticons from the other side. This panga gives a sense of enjoyment and achievemnt,the feel of accomplishment. I believe sleeping in exam while writing answer and spilling saliva on your answer sheet, all the pinkbunny_89 & shrewd boss seems like ***phew***

On this holy night, trying to put together a write-up is as arduous as trying to whitewash the campus building with a toothbrush. Seriously, what a generous these last days did to me is what Narco-analysis does to stock, naked truth is outcome! To add to it a few sleepless nights ensured that matters are now worse and writing of any new word(in answer sheet) , after exerting Newtons of weight on tiny eyelids, the waft of sleep intoxicates, slowly decapitating you of your senses and the result is a horrible answer and so on. Being in such a state, expecting something intelligible to escape from the keyboard to the laptop-screen is highly improbable, and the article looks more like a result of an extended session of FIFA-play, while your word document was open. Tackle-LongPass-Shoot-PublishBlog.

CAMPUS MUSINGS

IP

Honestly speaking I am not clear about what this stands for (am a poor production guy), but it’s a chat tool on LAN (ye to pata hai :P ), at 4 in the morning, there are some non intellectual guys who instead of posting a meaningful blog chat with the guy who sits next to them in class, but are not able to talk, because of busy (sleeping) schedules. I could poke into one of the chat of two guys at IP. The excerpts are

X (Looks like 33, is 24 , his block is miles away from gals block)

X: "Kya re, you dont spend long hours talking on your cellphone these days. Hope all is well between you and airtel guys? "

Y: " Yeah I am just back frm a movie with the airtel CEO".

X : "Ok yaar seriously , we dont find you spending long hours roaming around the hostel , on phone with that shy smile pasted on your face .Is everything fine ? "

Y : "Yeah life is beautiful.I messed up things between me and her."

X (with the expression Ramsay brothers would love to capture) : Oh shit.Shit shit shit. How did this happen ? "

Y:"Angelina Jolie proposed to me and I left her."

X : "Its ok man. Just come to my room some time. A chilled beer and you would feel better."

Y : "I feel fine. And I don't drink."

X (Ramsay brothers’ expression recreated): "you dont still! You are a kid! And after what you have been through, you have to drink!”

Rains:

Oh,now I can see real dark clouds through the window .Baras Jaa pyaare Megha .( Non Hindi guys : Shed some water dear cloud ).

A couple of days earlier , as me and a friends were returning after mocking a quiz , god decided to pee .It started to rain. Since no umbrella company's distribution channel reached the spot where we were caught, we had to run towards the library and get in there. I have watched a lot of hindi movies over my years. Escape the rain on a stormy evening and take shelter in a big ancient looking construction, there is a 72% chance you shall be greeted by a shaky lamp wielding "Ramu Kaka" who has been dead for the last twenty or so years. But not being in a movie, it’s a mournful documentary(I think there are no happy documentaries), I was greeted by a grumpy watchman who looked at me like I was trying to smuggle three surface to air missiles and a couple of rifles into the library.(picked from an older post of mine)

Shame of Hunger:

The gourmet at mess provides enough opportunity to local and global players in food and beverage catering business (restaurant ka aisa naam suna hai kabhi) to burn a hole into students’ pocket as per their capabilities. While a few lucky ones have been eating a cheese burst pizza with oodles of toppings every day, few deprived are supposed to burp after chewing on fingernails.

GRINDS-uck

BOOZE PARTIES:

I dont wanna actually get drunk and grab my professor by his collar and shake him and yell "Why did you give me a C- , sir!!!."I dont wanna get drunk and grab the guy downstairs and shake him and yell "Why do you charge money from me when I take something from you , buddy ?? "

I may have missed something. There may be something great hidden within that bottle. A lotta people drink , and they feel good about it. My dad does not drink , most guys at institute(which is in dry state) drink , my uncle who spent 11 days in hospital with a liver problem due to drinking drinks, a lot of girls drink and Devdaas(and missed Aishwarya) drank. So something has to be there. And if there is, I can always lie to my mom.I can actually drink without letting her know. Then I may not spend the next hostel party walking around campus and writing some nonsense, while drunken guys go around ripping shirts, falling off tables and kissing each other. Any purpose drinking? Hic.Hic.

__

Need to wash off clothes now and clean my room and may be I am win the treasure hunt to win my lost spectacle!
--

EOP

The Anand Pattern

This would be the longest stretch when I stayed away blog, since I started blogging, but it's like that, and that's the way it is. First I was stranded, disconnected at a village for the induction program, for a while, which now seems like pretty comfortable setting.. sigh. Then, once I touched base at IRMA, things got hectic, and I didn't have a internet connectivity for a while. Now that things have more or less settled, it's about time I resume blogging. It was always my dream to blog from my hostel room of something called as a leading Rural management institute in western India, a rural(not poor) cousin of leading B school in western India.

First things first, IRMA and the neighbourhood, looks totally amazing from air, waiting for some rains to make the green look greener. From my train, I could not gawk at the so called b'ful and developed villages of Gujarat(now everything in my life revolves around village), ! Then we hit the ground (pun intended). Let's just say, for someone new to the city, it's not very tough to not like the city, its an ideal kind of city, one copy(store) of Big bazaar, fame cinemas, dominos, ccd, levi's store, reebok and few other brands, and of course a lot of Amul parlours, surely doodh ki nadiya behti jaaye. The area neighbouring IRMA, is very similar to campus, an agricultural university, NDDB campus, not so unimpressive to say the least. However, the campus is breathtaking with its lush greenery and mesmerising chimes .

My hostel room, I found is more comfortable than the room I had in engineering days. It's not bigger, but surely better planned and it has a balcony which opens to the patch of green behind my hostel. I haven't clicked snaps of the campus, but I intend to do that pretty soon. The city Anand, essentially the multiplex is not light years away from the campus but it requires a big hole in pocket to make it to there. Till now I've been there only once, and even then it was disappointing as we couldn't catch any chic! The movie buff in me is still very pleased to be here; the LAN is virtually full of movies! My new 250 GB external HDD might getting full to the brim, is looking like a possibility.

The academic load looks (un)manageable. I have eight courses, all of them (un)interesting. Exception being the Organisational Behaviour (IGB) course, which has interesting mix of Psychological studies in it, pretty impressive! Then there is rural Economic and polity and few others, which is also pretty tough to study. Midterms are still (just?) 3 weeks away and things are chill (as I say here).

I guess, I'll start with such banal posts; it should take time to get back the flow for blogging :-)

Bill gates bachaao!!

What is common between Shashi Tharoor-Saurav Ganguly-RamGopal Varma-KKR cheerleaders-SW engineers/I Bankers who lost their job and 245000 CAT applicants and me?

We all are at home and somebody may be busy tweeting, eating Rossugullas, or making Phoonk 3, 4, 5….n yes they will be released on same day, telling people what are hedge funds and how risky they are, or pagalguying, I decided to give my fingers a chance to perform Dance India dance on keyboard.

P.S. Match the coloumn khel –lo

A lot of people are telling me to “Enjoy!! for these days will never come again"

These never coming back days once came after class 10, 12, final year engineering . But that reminds me of some days which actually never come back, childhood J

Nevermind, chalo ateet ki yaadon me.

Sann Unneeess sau tiryaasee (1983) ki baat hai july ki zaalim garmi ka maheena. A baby boy was ushered into this world at about 10 'o clock in the night probably crying loud enough to piss off gabbar who resided some 50 miles away. After all it’s the momma's job to tell me that unless I kept quiet gabbar aa jaayega. Well months rolled by and I grew into a pretty normal kid who thought his thumb was god's candy and the soil in the backyard was Ben & jerry's raw material, so I hogged on it. Once I interacted with a sophisticated Huggies-model type kid when my mom took me to his place:

Oh.. ok..arey yaar mere ko chunnu bata raha tha ki huggies ke ad ke liye tere ko ek room me nanga daudaya tha??.." i chuckled

"..*cold sigh* ..yaar when u turn a professional you have to live with it....thoda expose to karna hi padta hai industry me bane rehne ke liye. u know"

"oye tinku ab mera poo-poo time ho gaya....door hat jaa"

"Gawd tu abhi bhi kapda use karta hai nappy ke liye....disgusting!!"

"uwaaaaaan uu uu uwaaaaaaaaaaaaan" I raised the alarm for my momma to clean up the mess

One day while crawling in my walker, I hit the wall and fell, it was followed by what else but crying non-stop. When the in-house recipes failed to alleviate my pain, the ped was called. But in vain as even after a week of medication the pain and the associated worries won't go. The family pediatrician referred the case to a neurosurgeon.

"Kahee koi serious baat to nahee hai naa" my mum asked the family ped.

"Ghabraaiye nahee..aap mil lijiye ek baar doctor ramesh chandra se.." the stiff lipped family doc had nothing more .


"Dekhiye maine dawaaiya likh di hain bas bacche ko sir me chot mat lagne dijyega, aur haan jab ye 6 saal ka ho jaaye tab isko school me daaliyega, jyada pressure mat daaliyega iske dimaag pe.." and he closed the case with these final words.

“Was their first born child mentally unfit?? Will he be able to cope with his studies??” Questions whose answers were written on the wings of time, and the rest followed. A meagre class 10, a forgetable 12 and pathetic graduation to make the matters worse….dimaag mein chot aayi thi, abhi bhi lakshan paaye jaate hain. This post is an example.

Kuchh Saal Baad, sann unnis sau baanwe

Remembering those Sundays with DD1 when I was a cute(koi shaque) little kid, makes me 250gm nostalgic. The very slow news for the hearing impared, Atal bihari vajpayee was a news reader there I suppose

We kids used to assemble in front of the recently purchased colour TV at sharp 8 o clock in the morning. Just after a quick bath, Eyes were fixed on the TV set.
After noting down tips on how to nourish your gerberas and various other phool-patti on the show 'Ankur' and then braving 'Gurubaani' we came to know every Sunday ki "Jungle jungle kyaa baat chali hai, chaddi pehen ke phool khila hai". The magical world of mowgli, bageera, bhaalu and akdu-pakdu. :p

Excerpts:-

Bageera : Tumhe pata hai mowgli !! sarpanch ne kaha hai iss baar shikaar jyada nahee milne se sherkhaan se khatra badh gaya hai.
Bhaalu : Haa mujhe bhi cheel ne bataya sherkhaan aajkal nadee ke aas-paas ghoom raha hai!!
Mowgli: (who's staring at the lake) Uhhh...hmmm..
"Mowgleeeeeeeeee!! bandaro ne pakdu par humla kar diyaaaaaa" pappu is frantic.

*POWER CUT*

"kuttttte" I screamed. There was a look of horror on the faces of my cousins. Sure the word "kutta" and its derivatives were forbidden in our house. The 'F' word was yet to replace the K word for expressing deep disgust or unparallel pleasure. And then my dear mommy came armed with her spatula to sizzle my baby bum.

"Who said that ????" Mum was furious

All the cousins pointed their fingers like zombies , at poor moi. It seems they hadn't heard of "anguli-maal" daaku(a mythical dacoit who used to cut away fingers of his prey), they were nourishing one right in their house.

***Back from Ateet ki yaadein***

In this season of IPL(Indo-Pak Love), I could get hold of secret chat between two cheerleaders of Mumbai Indians, who joined MI this year after their two year stint at Delhi Daredevils.

CL1: Haye ree behen humaari to kismat hee kharaab hai, iss saal naukri badli aur issi saal yahaan itna kaam hai….meri to jaan nikal gayee hai behen.

CL2 : Sach behen, ye Naaspeeta Pollard itna nachata hai ki kamar toot gayi. Aaj ghar jaake meri kamar pe thodi see iodex laga deo, choor choor ho rakhi hai.

CL1: Isse acche to hum bar mein hee thi, naachna bhi kam, aur kamaai bhi zyada thi…yahaanto chhichhori public nacha nacha ke maar deti hai, aur ek futtee kaudi nahi deti.

CL2: Sach behen. Accha Chameli se poochh to agar KKR mein koi jagah hai!

Zee cinema is about to show a movie, some random early nineties' movie. Gladly Mithun is feature in the casting. That is a good enough reason for me to watch the movie. So me now pulling up with the movie. Details about the movie will not be posted in the next post