Bill gates bachaao!!

What is common between Shashi Tharoor-Saurav Ganguly-RamGopal Varma-KKR cheerleaders-SW engineers/I Bankers who lost their job and 245000 CAT applicants and me?

We all are at home and somebody may be busy tweeting, eating Rossugullas, or making Phoonk 3, 4, 5….n yes they will be released on same day, telling people what are hedge funds and how risky they are, or pagalguying, I decided to give my fingers a chance to perform Dance India dance on keyboard.

P.S. Match the coloumn khel –lo

A lot of people are telling me to “Enjoy!! for these days will never come again"

These never coming back days once came after class 10, 12, final year engineering . But that reminds me of some days which actually never come back, childhood J

Nevermind, chalo ateet ki yaadon me.

Sann Unneeess sau tiryaasee (1983) ki baat hai july ki zaalim garmi ka maheena. A baby boy was ushered into this world at about 10 'o clock in the night probably crying loud enough to piss off gabbar who resided some 50 miles away. After all it’s the momma's job to tell me that unless I kept quiet gabbar aa jaayega. Well months rolled by and I grew into a pretty normal kid who thought his thumb was god's candy and the soil in the backyard was Ben & jerry's raw material, so I hogged on it. Once I interacted with a sophisticated Huggies-model type kid when my mom took me to his place:

Oh.. ok..arey yaar mere ko chunnu bata raha tha ki huggies ke ad ke liye tere ko ek room me nanga daudaya tha??.." i chuckled

"..*cold sigh* ..yaar when u turn a professional you have to live with it....thoda expose to karna hi padta hai industry me bane rehne ke liye. u know"

"oye tinku ab mera poo-poo time ho gaya....door hat jaa"

"Gawd tu abhi bhi kapda use karta hai nappy ke liye....disgusting!!"

"uwaaaaaan uu uu uwaaaaaaaaaaaaan" I raised the alarm for my momma to clean up the mess

One day while crawling in my walker, I hit the wall and fell, it was followed by what else but crying non-stop. When the in-house recipes failed to alleviate my pain, the ped was called. But in vain as even after a week of medication the pain and the associated worries won't go. The family pediatrician referred the case to a neurosurgeon.

"Kahee koi serious baat to nahee hai naa" my mum asked the family ped.

"Ghabraaiye nahee..aap mil lijiye ek baar doctor ramesh chandra se.." the stiff lipped family doc had nothing more .


"Dekhiye maine dawaaiya likh di hain bas bacche ko sir me chot mat lagne dijyega, aur haan jab ye 6 saal ka ho jaaye tab isko school me daaliyega, jyada pressure mat daaliyega iske dimaag pe.." and he closed the case with these final words.

“Was their first born child mentally unfit?? Will he be able to cope with his studies??” Questions whose answers were written on the wings of time, and the rest followed. A meagre class 10, a forgetable 12 and pathetic graduation to make the matters worse….dimaag mein chot aayi thi, abhi bhi lakshan paaye jaate hain. This post is an example.

Kuchh Saal Baad, sann unnis sau baanwe

Remembering those Sundays with DD1 when I was a cute(koi shaque) little kid, makes me 250gm nostalgic. The very slow news for the hearing impared, Atal bihari vajpayee was a news reader there I suppose

We kids used to assemble in front of the recently purchased colour TV at sharp 8 o clock in the morning. Just after a quick bath, Eyes were fixed on the TV set.
After noting down tips on how to nourish your gerberas and various other phool-patti on the show 'Ankur' and then braving 'Gurubaani' we came to know every Sunday ki "Jungle jungle kyaa baat chali hai, chaddi pehen ke phool khila hai". The magical world of mowgli, bageera, bhaalu and akdu-pakdu. :p

Excerpts:-

Bageera : Tumhe pata hai mowgli !! sarpanch ne kaha hai iss baar shikaar jyada nahee milne se sherkhaan se khatra badh gaya hai.
Bhaalu : Haa mujhe bhi cheel ne bataya sherkhaan aajkal nadee ke aas-paas ghoom raha hai!!
Mowgli: (who's staring at the lake) Uhhh...hmmm..
"Mowgleeeeeeeeee!! bandaro ne pakdu par humla kar diyaaaaaa" pappu is frantic.

*POWER CUT*

"kuttttte" I screamed. There was a look of horror on the faces of my cousins. Sure the word "kutta" and its derivatives were forbidden in our house. The 'F' word was yet to replace the K word for expressing deep disgust or unparallel pleasure. And then my dear mommy came armed with her spatula to sizzle my baby bum.

"Who said that ????" Mum was furious

All the cousins pointed their fingers like zombies , at poor moi. It seems they hadn't heard of "anguli-maal" daaku(a mythical dacoit who used to cut away fingers of his prey), they were nourishing one right in their house.

***Back from Ateet ki yaadein***

In this season of IPL(Indo-Pak Love), I could get hold of secret chat between two cheerleaders of Mumbai Indians, who joined MI this year after their two year stint at Delhi Daredevils.

CL1: Haye ree behen humaari to kismat hee kharaab hai, iss saal naukri badli aur issi saal yahaan itna kaam hai….meri to jaan nikal gayee hai behen.

CL2 : Sach behen, ye Naaspeeta Pollard itna nachata hai ki kamar toot gayi. Aaj ghar jaake meri kamar pe thodi see iodex laga deo, choor choor ho rakhi hai.

CL1: Isse acche to hum bar mein hee thi, naachna bhi kam, aur kamaai bhi zyada thi…yahaanto chhichhori public nacha nacha ke maar deti hai, aur ek futtee kaudi nahi deti.

CL2: Sach behen. Accha Chameli se poochh to agar KKR mein koi jagah hai!

Zee cinema is about to show a movie, some random early nineties' movie. Gladly Mithun is feature in the casting. That is a good enough reason for me to watch the movie. So me now pulling up with the movie. Details about the movie will not be posted in the next post

The ladies toilets in delhi are safe

Blogging is like making an STD call of early 90’s.  Both the things are easier to do at night. While lower calling rates bag it for the STD calls , a more silent and peaceful room & comfortable of laptop makes blogging better at night.

 

But this post will see the “light of the day”

 

With all due respect, to KKR fans, exploited software engineers (these guys have to be here, with or without any reason) and other troubled souls of the nation, I am living a life that can be termed as an exaggeration (or exasperation) of contented life. Infact, I have always enjoyed my circumstances. But things are easiest these days . The workload is equivalent to frequency of commercial breaks in a repeat telecast of a shehnai show on doordarshan, or lesser only. In a nutshell, am as busy as Regional manager of Antarctica branch of carrier Aircon  (Bacha log, notice the surrogate advertising)

 

And, after a lot of struggle & seena jhapti, I am able to get the screening of DDLJ at near multiplex. Yeh strike bhi abhi honi thi.

 

Watching Old Hindi movies is a bliss in itself, Thanks to Zee classic & Zee premier, I have got a strong hold on “Royal-Republican” Hindi movies & now I feel myself compatible to create a new field of interest on Mastermind India & win it too. I strongly feel that if there are two things good for my heart, they are saffola cooking oil and Hindi movies. These movies do not trouble my heart with unsuspected twists and unexpected endings. They are so obvious. Take my favorite case, most probably will be yours too, the rape scenes are invariably interrupted by the hero who comes crashing in through some expensive glass door, or Honest school teachers are usually killed by the bad guy while the teacher's kid hides behind a flower pot and takes a colored mental photograph of the killer for future revenge. (Definitely not my favorite, but its better to highlight more than one example)…phew…my posts are so self-explanatory.

 

Thanks to “prastut hai Hindi fatichar film”, every Saturday on doordarshan, I have grown up seeing Sunny deol planting his "dhaai kilo kaa haath"  & Akshay –UNBUTTONED-Kumar..then the khilaadi boy...cooing pervert numbers with thigh baring girls and sending the toned and muscular gundaas flying with his karate kicks...I remember once I kicked the door after I was back from school...Mum heard the loud bang...Two slaps later I was as calm as Gurudutt silently scribbling my homework...

 

Mithun the messiah..he has to be here!

Although he deserves a separate post, but now I plan to write a book on him, and  due to royalty issues with the publisher, am just giving this messiah a modest tribute. This one goes for you….

 

Last week, it was a lucky Sunday: After gulping down huge quantity of lunch, as I turned on to the Z-Premier, guess who it was, It was Gunda. I can just say one line about this movie

““There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who have seen “Gunda”. And those who shall see it.”

 

No prizes for guessing my category!

 

Overview of movie: The mid 90s were marked by great intellectual ferment and socio-political change in India. With unbridled economic liberalisation strengthening the unholy faction of politicians and moneyed ruffian, the nation witnessed fundamental transformations —a fact that was being systematically overlooked by popular escapist entertainment which minted money through vacuous NRI romances, forgetting its solemn duty to be the mirror of its times. …samjhe!!!

 

The movie is an unforgettable struggle of Shanker, a coolie in an airport is a hard-working Indian man forced to balance time between an overweight girl friend, an even fatter sister, an overacting father, alcoholic friends and a pet monkey who can drive a car. It is Shankar and his family that is crushed underneath the “system” of the 90s. The system that was corrupted by Bulla, the main evil & his gang comprising of Pote (Pote—jo aapne baap ki bhi naheen hote), Chutiya, (Bulla’s hermaphrodite brother who is kept alive through a steady supply of “London se sex ki goliyan” in the hope that he becomes a “mard” or man), Ibu Hatela (Meranaam Ibu Hatela, Ma meri chudail ki beti, baap mera shaitan ka chela, khayega kela?”), Inspector Kale (iske yaad nahi :P) & last but not the least kafan chor neta” (Dilli se billi ka dudh peeke aaya hain)

 

Am sure, you guys are now cannot afford to be in first or second category of people. Watch Gunda. Again and again. There has never been a movie like this before. Trust me. There never will be one like this again.

 

 

 

 

Well Am running out of time, office hours are soon going to be over & for those who think, I can have a lot of K ka keedas in my blog, wish you an even worse reading.

 

The blog title still needs an explanation….phew…my blogs are so self explanatory

A short in the Arm

 

Disclaimer : This one is going to be a poorly edited post, with lots of issues mixed & shaken irresponsibely. You are hence requested/expected to understand the feelings only! 

 

It's been almost three years since I completed my engineering studies, *phew* three years have passed!!! 

Anyway , in these three years , atleast six of my batchmates have announced their wedding dates , and many more must be right in the middle of the 'Tere papa se kab baat karun ?' discussions . Now , I have always been terribly confused by the concept of marriage . Sometimes marriage  looks like being wonderful union which ushers in a beautiful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life . And before a hungry somalian dacoit can  clean a small boat , marriage will appear to be this expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and their SST test syllabus . So just like dye structures and ram gopal verma's movies , marriage has always confused me .

 

The confusion was taken to new levels, when i attended a marriage which i can call to be of closest relative I can attend, or in other (truthful) word swho called me on his marriage.....

 

Personally, I enjoy marriages a lot, there is a lot of food, new clothes n its always away from work place, but still life is not just a box of sweets, it comes with tiffin full of lotus stem vegetable. The worst part being, the granny & her gang of villian kind os aunties, who would pop out of her sofa n yell

“Dekhti hu iss baar kaise bachte ho ”.*echo echo echo *.her tone becomes vicious when she announces the name….

*drums beating interspersed with some shamshaan ghaat music *(don’t ask me what it is) 

 

its so scary that even K waali vamp would prefer hiding away like rabri Devi would, when asked about the update of Spanish premier league or Pamela Anderson, the last scam which CM of Jharkand was involved in!

 

Taking a break & before moving to next part, a close look at ideal dulha:

I told you, its poorly edited

The US return hero who hasn’t forgotten his bhagwaan inspite of numerous night outs in posh pubs, guzzling beer from the barrel and holding life-time memberships of famous strip clubs…he is still an ‘apna desi Indian ladkaa’… A perfect dulha material…

 

News Update:

In between, the great valentine's day pissed...oops passed off, without a whisper in my ear, but more than any whisper, i was more excited about Muthale buddy's pink chuddy. i infact frighetened a few honhaar baccha friends of mine that I have joined SRS(Sri Ram SenE) & dare you try n have a good time with your loved ones,  & I will do what MCD did with commercial properties in residential areas, but they would rather believe in George Clooney is made to sit through a screening of "Basanti Ka Inteqaam" ( Starring Chamkeeli Haseena in a never seen before , and never seen after dynamite role ) .....*sigh* a well tried effort in vain n V-Day pissed off.....again!!

 

The D day on V day:

The day which witnessed around 36,000 knots being tied alone in Delhi, I was in Punjab attending one such wedding. I was a member of a extremely chaotic and jubilant baraat inching towards the venue (some rated hotel). The baraat swarmed....

(No more baraat description, this blog is about mann kee feelings!!!)

 

The War-mala event actaully reminds me of a RajnikantH dialogue "Kasam paidaa karne waale ki Raja aajtak sirf do logo ke aage jhuktaa aaya hai ek to uparwaala jo kismat banaata hai aur ek naai jo hazaamat banaata hai..huhh!!" Sorry dude, you are wrong, I have seen a young smart guys JHUKTE over for something else....

 

A lot more to come in coming posts, but one question still boggles down my mind.....

 Is marriage  an ushering in a wonderful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life ...or is it an expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and their SST test syllabus ?

InshahAllah, the marriage was overjoyed, except for these thoughts & I expect a few more people to treat me the same way in their respective marriages.

Also, the subject has nothing to do with Post....India TV inspired me to do this.