Jab We NEVER Met

After watching JWM, my brother called me n said, “O Yaar tu itna train mein ghoomta hai, tere ko kabhi koi Geet nahi mili”. For all such moments Silence is Gold. And for all you not-so-frequent-train-users, this movie should come with a disclaimer that sweet gals(who don’t even mind wo brothel wali baat) like Geet do not travel in train & if they, they surely wont care much about you. I know this is disheartening, but being a responsible citizen, I think I should give all you a brief description of how train companions are.

The first disappointment comes when there is no F-16 to F-23 in the reservation chart, and two in next compartment.

1) H2S2-Hum Saath Saath Hain:
The great Indian families –
It can be a Joint or a nuclear family, but one thing is sure that it will rob you off the peace of mind which u were having after reading(watching) that last colourful page of Delhi times . Imagine yourself sitting on the window seat cool-ly flipping through pages of a random "feel-good" stuff with your tired legs stretched on the berth, a gentle breeze running through your hair, with all your li'l luggage already chained you think about your hometown, friends and family back home. Aah absolute bliss. Aur insaan ko chahiye hee kya…. Then suddenly:-

"O bhaai saab!! aapka seat number kaun saa hai??" A middle aged person farts on your face. Following him is his family with two wailing piddi piddi kids filled with their anger on mathswali Madam and their clumsy mommy bearing a Rakhi(Gulzar, not Sawant) looks on her face. You try your best to sound polite "Ye 17 number seat meri hai, khidki waali ""Paaaapppppaa mekko window waali seat chahiyyyyye!! uwaaaaa....!! mekko chahiiiyeee..." piddhi bursts out..And you look at the li'l moron(piddhi) and then u think of those matrimonial website. Then the mommyji looks like…"Thakur mere Karan-Arjun ko seat dedo” You wish some sanity had prevailed. Bah!These families, I must say have Post Doctoral degree in Luggage Management. "Arrey piddhi ki Mummy, wo khaane wala thaila uppar hee rakh do…hmm aur baaki sab yahaan neeche rakh do”. And they try to squeeze it all thru the space below the lower berth. Your pyaara sa sky bag looks like Sania Mirza sharing a stool to sit with Serena williams”

After an hour of farmaishi gaano ke karyakram of Himesss bhai’s song on papa ke mobile, the khaana peena time comes.
This is the time when you think that you should now walk out this place and purify your lungs with some lights. The magical moments are over as soon as you find that the Kanpur wali maussi ji a dia hua achaar has beautified your pyaara sa Sky bag.

Ab ye TT bahiya is, I the person with best composure, in a very sweet sound voice, he ll blare” "haanji , Ticket…ticket dhikhao vaaii(or bhaiii)" Now at this point of time Piddhi ki has no clue whre thr ticket is! “Arrey dekhna kahin aapke batue(wallet) mein to nahi hai”. Mian ji is impatient "Pachaas baar kaha hai nikalne se pehle ticket samhaal ke rakha karo, Mr. bajaj(kausti zindagi wale) laake dega kya tkt!! " TT baabu is used to this, so he shows no signs of disgust and goes about asking other victims in the compartment for the tickets, including you.
She will fish out all the safety pins, speed post ki reciepts, ration ka bill, but one thing which won’t come out is the ticket. After some 10 minutes of mining into the purse, a real crumbled piece of paper comes out, in a condition as deplorable as Sonia Gandhi’s Hindi. Along with the ticket a few translucent papers also arrive in the scene "jab zor se ho aai, aur saabun naa de dikhaai, and then instant haath ki safaai" waala paper.

And when the train halts at some random station its the (stone)age old tradition for the the daddyji to fill every empty thing in the compartment with the "shuddh and sheetal jal" which you get on the platforms. He disapperars with the empty bottles in the mileu and after a while when its time for the train to depart, the mummyji again with the disaster management look on her face exclaims " Kahaa chale gaye paani laane!! abhi tak nahee laaye!!" Piddhi is also in a full mood to explore the station, so he exclaims,
“Mumma main dekh ke aao,”
“Nahi koi zaroorat nahi, kahin akbaar lene chale gaye honge, jaise inke bina Manmohan Singh koi nirnay(decision) nahi lega”Her hubby after outmuscling and out-swearing (naya word note kar le!!) the other uncles at the water cooler, comes out all smiles with two half filled bottles under his arm pits & of-course aaj ka akhbaar.

To aapne dekha(padha), there is nothing like a Ratlam Station or a Decent hotel.


2) CCD - college ke chhichhore din :-
Now here, there is no Mr bajaj ki fan following families, and not Jab We Met, yeah Jab we MATE is for sure. Every sentence they utter is sandwiched between words which u utter each time you hear the actual figure of your boss' salary. O B……., M……
Once the brats are done with chaining their luggage and "sutta" they are set to explore the train for that “F-16 to F-22” s, whose locations they had byhearted from the reservation chart pasted outside the coach. They scan each compartment they pass by, and the data is shared among themselves when they reach the ends of the coach near the washbasin. And when that data is churned to come up with some vital information as to "which coach and which berth no.", the whole group oscillates to and fro about the "point of interest".These dudes like to get down at every other platform, roll up their sleeves, light a ciggy and look around and say "Weather kitna sexy hai re!!", (even if the train halts there just for a few nanoseconds). These guys sure are cool. I was one such brat some time back, alas i'm spoilt now.Aah the joys of the sleeper class. The sight of the stones and gravel from the hole in the commode, the sacred inscriptions on the toilet walls for instance some outright materialistic "Saleema i luv you..err..your.." and some philosophical as in "Ek aadmi ke hote hai 2 mouth , ek to hota hai north aur ek south"[of his anatomy] and some cheesy lines like .."Boond Boond se saagar bharta hai, apni boonde apne pass rakhiye" (ab aur nahee likhta!! rehne de yaar kuchh females bhi blog padhti hai...), the unadulterated entertainment provided by those clappy-happy eunuchs, the chaaiwaalahs drawl, Phew!! so many memories!! Let’s see if you can add to this list!! Till then Sat Sri Tatkaal!!

MY ORKUT GOES PUBLIC

CUT 1--Date: November 2, 2011
The entire bouquet of News channel telecasting just single NEWS (hope they start doing that by 2011).
SENSEX TOUCHES 60K MARK (Text of Detailed report as below)
Marked by strong Investments by Vietnamese & Ethiopian Investors, returning of all fraud funds by the American & Brat defaulters, & the American Federal Reserves now paying additional amount rather than charging interests, the markets have shown a very strong response and have touched the magical mark of 60K…………….hurray!!!!!!

CUT 2---Reality
I hope this day comes and that will be the day that I shall make my ORKUT account a PUBLIC LIMITED COMPANY. But before doing that I must fulfill all the perquisites of that. For that I am inviting all you trustworthy readers of this blog to comment on how I can make my ORKUT account a successful one. Till now this account has 3 scraps (all by same person) zero photos, ZERO videos, a few friends jinko main disappoint nahi karna chahta tha.

ORKUT—A BRIEF INTRODUCTION (Co Act ke tahat aapko ye mandatory disclosure dena hota hai)

(((((Surfing ORKUT is a great time pass ever devised in Human history. Visit profiles, view their albums n they will ping you at least once, Waise being a guy i don't receive such "hai!! Can we be FRandz" kinda msgs..But what I do receive is Scraps of some other orientation……..yeah crooked sexual orientation)))))))

An example of that kind can be:
Jinki Privacy privade hui thi(JPPHT): Do I know You
Me: May be yes, or may be no……


JPPHT: Can I ask u 1 thin’
Me: Yeah waise bhi meri Scrap book khaali maidaan hai, treat it as ur playground, c’mon play!!!!!!

JPPHT: If only you desire can we have some fun on bed.
Me: Is my bed Appu Ghar, wanna have fun….search Google with @#$%^&*

JPPHT: Think again the ball is in your court.
Me: Buddy the problem is that balls are in both the courts

JPPHT: Hey do feel free to call me, My number is 98!@#$%^&*&
Me: Arrey wah, fun aap karo n balance mera udde, Aap CPI aur main Congress!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I LOGGED OUT, n logged in after a month then!!!!!!!!!!!!


But now, am for serious business. So please help me in creating my profile …..



****-Means urgent help required

Profile name: Cool Dude Hunk Funk Punk Dunk…eventually Sunk (comments welcome)
Decided to put all these names on a parchi, and then pick the lucky name.

Relationship Status: yahaan ek hee daalna hoga kya, can I opt for multiple Status J
Age: Obviously turned 20 last week

Languages: Bhojpuri, hindi(NO HELP REQD)
****Here For: nothing of the kind jaisa uppar mentioned hai..Well the cassette cover of DTPH says “pyaar dosti hai”, so naming one would automatically mean other
****About Me: Ab main apni taarif kya karoon……..aap logs hee bata do
Children: 20 ki age mein marriage is not allowed….bachche nai(Waise bachche karne ke liye shaadi zaroori nahi hoti)
****Ethnicity: Ugandan, Ghana, Niger, Port-Au-haiti(Choose One n Advise)
Religion: Secular (10/10 for this answer, bachcha log taali bajao)
****Political view: O yaar ye sab kya likha hai, Left, Right Centre, Asking for directions or…… koi inka matlab to bata do
****Humour: Ab ye sab kya likha aagaya….Again explain
Sexual Orientation: Straight (Majjaaak nee karne ka, abhi legal nahi hai na)
Fashion: As shown on FTV
Website: Sir upper uthao pata chal jayega….aagaya na samajh
****Sports: Solaah parchi Dhapp, raja Mantri chor sipahi, Poshampa (Advise the most genuine one, intellectual lagni chahiye)
Books: Pet dard ke gharelu ilaaj @ Rohtak Bus Stand, Jeeja Saali ke chutkule @ Bhiwani Bus Stand, Rangeen Shayaron ki rangeen shayari @ Farukkabad railway station. (Advise the most genuine one, intellectual lagni chahiye)
****TV shows: Rangoli/Krishi darshan/ Aap Aur Hum/Saptahiki(All are class, but fir bhi koi ek bata do)
Passion: Na mere pass nahi hai, mujhe discover jyada pasand hai… (so leave it)
Films: Hmm soch raha hoon ki is kaatil personality ka kuchh use karloon, dekhta hoon, but only with yash raj.
Cuisines: Ye cuisines aur cousins mein farak hota hai kya?….
Cousins to hai, sabke naam likhoon…….


Arrey yes, ek fotu bhi lagana hai………dekh lo kaunsa jachega….

So please pour in your suggestions so that I can call up FinMin n discuss the rest of formalities.

EOP

Hard Memories !

Couple of days back, when I was enjoying my weekend at Rishikesh, while we were enjoying our rafting, the tourist guide just asked us to corner the raft as there was a “fresh accident” .One car had drowned in Ganges which had a family and after much efforts the children & driver were rescued. A dead body was lying & another was missing. The dead body was of the father, & one missing was of mother. It was shocking, disturbing, but more than anything else, it was unfortunate. I personally did not know the family, but it disturbed me. "Could've-been-us" feeling! The family was driving to Neelkanth & probably lost control of the car at a turn, n fell into river.probably, the driver dint have enough of sleep or he was too careless to lower the speed limit . eventually the car crashed & all this happened. Pity. Foolishness? Waste!


Couple of years back, I would have put the entire blame on the foolhardiness of that driver, but somehow it does not seem right anymore. Most of us are not aware how easy it is to lose our lives. Just a little misfortune and there is no tomorrow! Most of the time, most of us do not give any thoughts to such possibilities and the consequences. Moreover, it sets you thinking. One of our professor, whose tongue can sting at times, said, “This is perhaps the most mindless way of dying." And I couldn't agree more. Death if fearful, it’s not easy to digest it.

But still the memoirs of children haunt my mind, the life just moves on, its was bloody normal for me too. We came back, next day went to office, did the chores, but the children who lost parents, the trip will have radically different reminiscence for them.

More fortunately than unfortunately, early in my driving days, when I was still a noob, I had a little accident. I landed safely and absolutely no harm was done. But that incident never left me, it's always there at the back of my mind. Result: I developed as an extra cautious driver. Of course, I've had my moments of madness. Fortunately, I survived all of them.

There is not much to say. The sad incident can end up being just a statistical data point, unless we take a lesson from it. The human life is not that cheap to be ended as a data figure. Sincere appeal to all motorists - please drive carefully